oh such grace, oh such beauty, so precious, suspicious, and charming and vicious.

2010-02-03T21:05:00.002+08:00

She once said,
"Your eyes, they look troubled.."

A stranger, having her daily brisk walk came up to me,
"You okay there? Smile, the sun is shining brightly for us today."

An old classmate bumped into me the other day, he asked if I was okay.

I don't know anymore. How I think, what I do/did.

I didn't change, at all. The start of 2010 was supposed to be a new beginning.
It wasn't in the end.

I'm really clueless as to what I have to do, what I need to do, why I have to do anything.
I'm not really solving my problems anymore.

I just run away from it. Another year of this? I don't think I'll survive.

Now, let me run from all these one last time. Just once more.
And this one last time, I hope I'll come back better and stronger. Or I'll never want to go back.

I hope.

2009-12-14T23:47:00.004+08:00

Sigh..

What have I done?
No.. What have I not do?
How much have I not done?

Everything's getting worse.

I guess.. Yeah. That's it.
No kidding, I'll come back when I'm sane enough.

Farewell, Zatty.

2009-11-27T01:26:00.002+08:00

How is it that when I meant to say,
"Please forgive me, my words were stupid, I was acting stupid, I'm sorry. Can you make me feel safe again? How about dinner this weekend, I need to see your face & talk. About you, me, your thoughts and mine"
it comes out so negatively, it didn't sound like an apology, forget begging, hah.

I'm such a sucker.

As if life's not fucked up enough, you just go and screw it up more.

Good job, Zatty.
No wonder God thinks you shall never recover from your flu.

That's.. Idk.
I fucking hate myself.

2009-11-12T22:34:00.002+08:00

I think I kinda lost it.

Like look, wth am I doing.
I have no idea myself.

Which means I lost it. Yeah, I sure did.

Now, how do I get it back?
I have no idea too.

That's bad. Very bad.

They say, if you can't help yourself, no one can.
May God bless me, a lot.

2009-11-08T22:43:00.003+08:00

SNSD - Chocolate Love ♥

Hey..
Another week, again.

Sigh.

Sometimes, I just can't help it but feel _______.
Like I care but act like I don't, or rly can't be bothered and pretend I am bothered.
What the fuck, Zatty.

I miss you, Zur. ):<

Bye.

2009-11-06T11:35:00.003+08:00

Ryuichi Sakamoto - Rain

The intense, as if breathless, beats. The repetition so similar, it's creepy but it calms me. The shrilling imitation, so disturbing, ended in a soft blast before I could cry out in confusion.

I'm lost.

It's making me hurry.
Hurry, think.
Question yourself..

What's causing this unhealthy mind, hopeless?
Why are all these thoughts so gloomy? Why do they drift away before I sigh?

Why do I feel like I'm floating.. Aimlessly.. Below the terrifying grey sky..

These set of perturbation, it infests me.
Seems like it had been haunting me for a while. Seems like it's gonna hang around longer..

Am I wasting it all? What do I do to change it all? How do I do it?
Everything in me, everything around me. It's troubled.
People, papers, chairs, cotton, rain, trees. They're all, down.

Why?
It's just me. Yes, it's just me.

Oh God, help me.
Help me.

2009-11-01T13:17:00.001+08:00

I don't stop screwing things up.

I'm not planning to stop.

2009-10-22T10:15:00.002+08:00

Before Semester 2 even commenced, I thought I could do it all.

Whtvr I planned, whtvr I thought I'd be doing, feeling, thinking.. It's all pretty useless right now. Cuz when it really starts and small things happen, it crushes me and my ambitious plans.

I had lots to say.
Countless thoughts.
Strong opinions.

But right now, in this scene of life I'm in, freedom is not a bliss.

The only thing I can say is that I never thought freedom depresses me.

Today is Day 4 of Semester 2. (:

I'm just confused. Cuz here I am having a break before my next class, enjoying-but-already-sick of being free, I'm not free at all actually. Totally.

I'm upset that when I'm free I can't be happy. And when I'm suppose to be free and happy, I'm busy. I blame you, I blame people, I blame myself.
But no one is wrong, you're living your life, they're living their lives, I'm just living my life.

I can't voice out this anger, sadness, frust cuz it's forbidden. And the one person that I could tell, wait, no. I couldn't anymore.

If only, if only, if only..

If only I knew what could happen. If only all the people I love thinks the way I do.
If only my weekends were my weekdays. If only my weekdays were my weekends. If only your weekends could be my weekdays.

In the end, the only thing that I need most is a pair of hands. Cold, chilly or not, I need them.

Cuz I am thinking straight. I am. I did my excel exercises, my chemical process tutorials, what the heck, I'm so dilligent I love going for lectures, tutorials and train rides back and forth, I enjoy them. So much.

But what..? That isn't me. That's not rly me.
That's not me.

I'm thinking straight. But I don't think I'm doing it the right way.
I'm not going straight.

2009-09-29T23:57:00.003+08:00

How did it come to this.
How did it happened.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

I don't want to start blaming. I hate it. Cuz they didn't even mean it.
I alr blamed. Fuck. Whatttt.

And then I spoil it all.
I always do.
Every single effin' night.

Wth is your problem.

I'm tired. I am. Rly.
Sorry isn't what I need to hear. It's not what you're suppose to say.

& again, yeah, who? Who are my best friends? What? My good friends?

I don't need you to do this. I don't need you to do that either.
And you, I didn't need to hear all that. And you, I just need you..

That's why I say life has been so great for me.

2009-09-29T20:49:00.001+08:00

):<

i'm v sad. v v sad. so upset. ):<

2009-09-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

Isn't this great. From the start till now. I'm like so elated cuz I've got the honour to screw up anything I have in my life now.

I've never been more happy.

Screwing up everything, is just, so fun!

2009-09-13T22:38:00.002+08:00

I'm about.. Turning 18 in November? Yeahh.
18. Hmm. Wow. Prolly should be a lil matured by then, I hope?

You know what. Forget it.

Bye, Wise.

Sometimes, I think that the people in this world can't get any ridiculous.
The vaccum cleaner sucked the blood out of me. Fuck it. Fuck you.

I feel like. Showing my dissatisfaction about everything.
But I can't right? Even the slightest ignorance I get vulgarities thrown at me. Wow.

How can everyone else do it then?

No fair, right?

Fuck.

I feel like I can't trust even a few people.
Oh God, what in the world???? Come on..

2009-08-28T04:17:00.003+08:00

My thankful heart, I wanna wrap it up prettily & give it to you! :D

Oh no no. Cannot. Without my heart, I cannot live. ):
Change my mind. ;P

But I'd do that. You should know. Heeee. ;PpPpPp

It's 4:20AM! Ahhhhh~ :x
In ten minutes, mother will start heating up fooood. Uhmm-uhm. Yummy.
I'm hungry cuz I've used up all the energy I got from food earlier on Math! From 11 plus till now!!! AMAJINGGGGG!

I'm rly going nuts. -_-

Okie. Back to differentiation. And integration. Omg. I did all these in sec sch. -.-"
But then again, if I passed AMath, I wouldn't be in this class, I'd be doing the other Math class. O.O
OH NO NO NO NO NO. Cannot.... I'll just dieee.

Okay whtvr. Bye-b. I wanna continue MATH-INGGGG HUHUHU AND THEN EAT AND THEN COLD BLANKET AND PILLOWS HERE I COME HEEEEEE!

I love my life now! I can't wait to grow up! Hee! ;p

2009-08-25T02:28:00.002+08:00

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
So stressed that I'm having a pimple breakout. Ugh.
I would chant it all out. All the vulgarities I know. And for a moment live life like how Bryan Tan used to.. Heh. But I changed my mind. Cuz it's fasting month and vulgarities are baddddddd..

So no no. Just UGH. AGH. ARGHHHH!
Yeahh.

Let me quote what Timothy, my classmate replied to my comment:
"...i hope a miracle happens so i don't have to retake this stupid module.."

& I'm gonna say the same damn thing. Cuz.
That just shows how confident I am for APChem alright.

A few hours ago before my sister head to bed, I told her,
I was never good at Chemistry.. ):

Then she said,
Why the hell did you take this course?

))))):<<<

And honestly. I'm studying harder and more obediently than I was for O Levels. Seriously. Like I swear. I SWORE OK.

And my confidence is like .

God. I'm like. Dead.

Everybody's asleep. Well it's 2:30 in the morning, duh.
Okayyyy maybe I should just give up. I live at the end of the MRT tracks. It takes 45 minutes from PR to Dover. But liar liar pants on fire.. It takes more that 45 minutes at 8 in the morning. Grr.

Ahhh shizzz, screw it.
Gonna bug my brother to wake up for his Liverpool match. Then after that I shall just.. Die..

Fanks 4 zee memories Zuly. ):<

This one module. Ugh. Wait. Damn MIP.
Thank God for Math and Chem Process.

Ah f lah. Bye. Nights.

2009-08-23T03:48:00.003+08:00

Who was I kidding?
Myself?? Yeahh.

It's the wee hours, pouring, & I'm down as hell.

Fuckkkk.

Yeahh okie, whtvr.

But you know what. I can't help it.
I've been thinking over the week, I thought it'd be okay to be selfish for a bit. Sacrificing a little bit of my time. Okay fine. "Sacrifice" since I know myself very well that only 3/4 of the time I study in the afternoon is cogent.. I thought it'd be worth it.

Ah damn it, fine. I have no effin good reason to be a spoilt brat now, later, whenever.

See, again and again. Just when I plan things and thought it'd go so fuckin well, it just backfires and bring me down so badly. Anything, whtvr it is. Studies or whtvr I'm so involved in now, just whtvr lah ok. Will never go my way. Never.

So bloody unfair.

And I'm just being childish. Yeah. Yeah.
So frickin childish.

Gosh.

2009-08-22T16:34:00.002+08:00

22/08, 4:34PM

Yesterday was Koh Yan Lin's birthday heehee I think she rly hates me now. LOL.

Today's the start of fasting month yayyeeeee. Heheh. ;p

And 25th August, is the start of semestral exam. Ah dang. What a pooper.
And then a series of depressing events. Followed by days of me getting depressed. For at least a few months.

Monkeypoo ): <
I'm gonna be so pathetic.

But at least my girlfriends are having their vacation too, so yeah, a little brighty brightzxz in the end, thank God.

------------------

I miss. I just miss. ):

I guess when you can't eat and have free time to study but you just can't seem to focus rly makes you think too much.

------------------

Back to the days of hahahah, hmmm. Forget it.
Gotta stick to my schedule.

*rollseyes*

It's not rly working somehow. How come? It used to work for Ns and Os.

Hmm whtvr.

Bye. (:

>Somebody call my baby.. I think I need my fix..

2009-07-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

Oh no. No no noooo.

Why did I do that? Why Zatty?? Why??!
Now, you only have yourself to blame.
Yes, my fault. Oh god.

This sucks. So much. Ugh. Fuck.

I was becoming a more sensible person. I swear. I swear. I was.

But bcuz you know, things just had to fucking happen. Like since when life was never a bitch, right?
Really you know.. This.. This kind of shitty things.. Just invades in me, my mind, my life.

Damn it.

I turned down my friends. Sacrifice Zatty.
Go have a run Zatty, it'll make you feel better.
Study then. Yeah. I'm good, rly.

Fuck, I've screwed things up. And still am right this second.

Let this be PMS. I wanna blame something else.

Okay, cry. Yeah, that's it. -.-

2009-07-20T00:04:00.002+08:00

Heya.

How long has it been again?
Ah, don't. Forget it.

The gradual lack of posts, blame it on school, fb, mafia wars, yeah.
And one more thing, this I can't blame, I willingly spent time w him, heh. ;p

Anyw, guess what.

Life is sickening.

Yeah, where's the surprise.. I always end up bitching about life.

And life being so negative and all that, it hits me so often that now, I just give up trying. Grr.

One. If MST results didn't hit me enough, then trying-to-make-the-next-better plan is just so depressing cuz it backfires, again, and again, every single day.
And this occured so often - even back during my N Level days, O Level days, even those lame common tests weeks - I've probably grown a little immune to it.

That isn't a good thing.

Two. I miss my friends dearly. & that's just it.
Pathetic? Yeah a little.. But where do I even start missing them. I know so much about them right now, I can call myself a horrible friend. Sigh.
Blame school? Nahh.

Three. I think I am weak. Just weak. Fuckin weak I get sick. Sick, sick, sick.

Four. It's only year 1, and I've got truckloads, and literally, truckloads of data sheets, reports, assignments, projects and fucking lame things like reflections. What the shitzxz.

Five. Fucking iron board broke. Spare one sudddenly evaporated from Earth. Wtf. Wtf, srsly. It's so lame, this issue, but it bothers the hell out of me. And wtf, I got this affected by it.

This is no PMS, rly. I'm clean, no leakings, actually you know what, I just ended my period. So this couldn't be pre or post symptoms. So what in the world is this anger?

Fucking hell, I got so vulgar. Sheesh.

Nights.

2009-06-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

Yoohoo~

Lol. Walao. This blog is better off dead. :x

HI AIN, CHERYL KOH, ABIGAIL. HEHEH. I MISS YOU ALL SO SO MUCH! >:(
Lol, anyhow tag leh.

Hmm anyw, let's see what can I update on.

Ooh.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I forgot. -.- super -.-"
Tsk.

OH OKAY. I got back from SP Adventure camp two nights ago. Camp was good, yeahh. But it wasn't so much of a fun because I had flu. =.=
And now, cramps and cough. I want to be dead..........

Since when did I blog like this?

HAH ANYW, POLY ISN'T THAT SLACK. TO ME. YEAH.
AS IN, WTH, CHECK OUT WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I BLOGGED.

Okay. This isn't a proper blog post, rly. Random frustration actually. Doesn't rly look like it though.

OK WHTVR BYE BYE. I'LL BLOG IN 327984723 DAYS, LATER! (:

2009-05-04T23:48:00.003+08:00

Even though what I'm doing or what I might do in the near future may seem wicked and risky, I'm just gonna go ahead and heck, I'll deal w all the unhappiness, rly.

Today might be just enough assurance for me to believe that what I'll deal later would be worth it all.

I want to stay innocent while I'm busy being happy. Not quite sure if that's possible.
I'm just hoping that a particular pair of cold hands guide me through all this without getting hurt.

Now I'm nervous. Hah!
Nonsense lah.

Hi Sabby. You're annoyed. W a certain problem I'm not so sure. Actually I know lah. Lol. But. Anyw, I don't think you'd be pleased cuz idk why. >:( Just got that feeling. So don't kill me lah k. Pretty pls thx. (:

I like cold fingers huhu.

2009-04-14T01:34:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I'm not ready!
>:(

Rly rly!
>:'((

Ahhhh. I mean, "orientation" wasn't bad. At all. But it was like eh? Er, okie..
And then when I was handed the timetable.

OH GOSH, IT SUCKS MAN. THE FEELING. UGH.

Tsk.

But somehow right, even when hmm never mind. That's good.

Alright. I need some major self-motivation to start school. To start anew.
Shucks. Difficult lor.

Dah ah bye ah.

2009-04-07T00:14:00.003+08:00

Hi hi! ^.^

Haven't been busy with work (lol). But I don't remember how I spent my free time.

HORRIBERRRR WOMAN. HAHAH.

Anyw, I SUPER HAPPY TODAY! NO, YESTERDAY! CUZ IT WAS 6TH APRIL & NOT MARCH LOLOLOLOL.

WHAT'S W 6TH APRIL?

SHOPPING WITH CHERYL KOH YAN LIN HAWHAW.

NOT SO MASSIVE BUT HAHAHAH.
WE HAVE THE POTENTIALS OF KIASU NONYAS. BURUK INDEED.
Let's go PS every week. Seems like we've been going there every week. Tsk tsk.

But today's shopping wasn't nonsense nonsense. Only when it was reaching the end, I started the nonsense shopping like buying SERGEANT KERORO CUSHION/PILLOW/DON'T KNOW AH.
HAHAHA. Effin cute I swear. It's kind of hugy so when I tried taking pichas w it, my arms got .......

No need to say how I struggled to fit it in the webcam frame and my fingers not reaching the touchpad lah k.

BUT IT'S SO CUTE! SO BRIGHTY BRIGHTZXZ! VERY GREENY HUHU.

Sabby anyhow hor, say I talk to many many boyz, I steal back my T.O.P. Hyung HEHEHEHEH. Cuz he make me gee gee gee gee baby baby baby~ xp

Anyw, unhappy about the match that night. Super. Zur can shhhhh. Lol. & Justin must tell Taufik to teach me the song HAHAHA.

Okieokie, Zatty merepek eh. Okie byebye! :D

Koh Yan Lin Cheryl! Happy holidays! Remember to take care of my luggage, make sure when you return it to me, half full of presents! ;p

2009-03-26T00:37:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Today I met w Ain! :D
And very sad Emyza. >:(

Emy v sad. Don't sad lerrrrrrrrrrr. Weird when you're not annoying. HAH. Familiar kan kan kan. Lol. Did nonsense at de/ehub with him. Other than nonsense. Quality time of sharing problems. Lol. This one not sharing is caring. Hahahaha! JUST KIDDING.

Then I met up with Ain & Anwar & Faisal & Fadhil & Winnie for dinner. I copy cat chase/kiss the rat Ain. Lol.. Ain action got pro camera. Uwek. But I still luv u k! (: Heheh.

I'm super lazy to type all the details of the fun and blahblahblah. But tonight, I laughed so much lor.
First I think my sister make me laugh. Sth stupid I think. Then alamak FADHIL KECOH DIAM AHHHHHHHH but still laugh ah.

HAHAHAHA THEN THE LAST ONE EMYZA MAKE ME PAI SEH ULTIMATE ONE WALAO I WANT TO JUMP DOWN ALR BUT NOOOO I LAUGH AND SHARED W MY SIS THE JOKE AND LET HER CALL ME STUPID AND THEN EMYZA ADDED THAT I'M BLIND ALL.

Sigh. I laugh so much when the jokes on me. I can't live like that. Hahahah! Maybe can ah.
Ah crap. Bye ah.

Then wait not last, my sister kepo gomy brothers' room and I also busybody follow. Ended up cracking up watching some hilarious video. My eldest brother cried. That funny lor.

Okay ah. Tmrw, I go clinic only, "Dr Wong, COUGHCOUGHCOUGH CROAK. AHEM. AH YA?"
HAHAHAHAH BASKET.

My sister is checking out people's nose. -.-"

K ah rubbish ah, mesti disease si ditu ah. TSK.

K bye, I need to layan Mr. Sad.

2009-03-24T01:24:00.003+08:00

Upset cuz I got the dreading-to-go-work feeling cuz nana too heho then i wee poop then bang! Then errrrrrr thank god it's eleven yayye home sweet home.
Don't like lah.

But but!
Happy because I got ONE WHOLE WEEK OFF from work!!
Can you believe it? One whole week. Fadhil's kindness hardcore ah..

Plus, alamak, watched Liverpool VS Aston Villa not last night?
Power lor. Second goal especially. Feeling...

But still unhappy cuz as the fever and flu gets better, the coughs gets very dry and CROAK. Srsly. Every morning sorry no afternoon (lol), I have to wake up because I'll be coughing like some old, frail, weak but major rockstar woman. Fatal okie.
Lucky I'm not working for the week, if not, hi squeak squeak having here?

Okay okay. Must sleep alr.

OH AND THE MEDICINE ALL FINISHED BEFORE I COULD GET BETTER. DR WONG WHAT IS THIS.

Eh, -croaks-. Forget it. Shouldn't waste anymore words of crystals.

2009-03-22T01:46:00.002+08:00

Huppy & Betty damn noisy leh. Stupid not-silent wheel.

Why in God's name are they nocturnal. Sheesh.
-

I noticed something. I've grown immature. Ironic.
I'm not so used to being like this. But I'll live and grow with it.

But then again, maybe tmrw I'll change into another person.
-

Afiqah's sucha dear. She actually let me rant all my problems randomly just now. I luv her. Cuz I feel better, finally. Better cuz everything's out. Better cuz finally, I'm talking to one of my bfs.

Man, I'm pretty much a screwed up thing without them. Rly.

Movie + bowling next Monday pls thx luv u luv u.
-

I didn't go for band prac this morning. Swear by the moon and the stars that my throat was so ^#@$!&? it screwed up the tonsils' nerves I couldn't even moan in pain.
So I didn't get to meet Cheryl & Ain & the rest. The sorrow, I tell you, I can only tell you. Lol.

Okie I want to go pee for the night and then head to bed. Medicine taking effect nowwwww stoning =.= alr..

Alah shucks I'm working tmrw, damn it, not ready yet. Ah f.

K nights.

Iluvmyblogyayyecuzonlyitlistensand"understand"meheheheheheh.

I can live without a boyfriend, srsly. It's been almost four years? So what's another four or more four years right?

thx4zeememories, awesome. find your right one. i'll find mine too k! wish me luck, pls?

2009-03-18T17:36:00.004+08:00

Have been so grumpy and upset these few days, the last time I laughed was last night(so actually, not so bad lah) when Misha told me her pants got stuck to the roller - where the buns are stacked - and fell. GEDEBUK. On one knee, sorry. Must be specific.

And dearest Kak Jun just had to whine, "Awak ni dah kenape......"
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
So thx Misha, for making my night. ;)
& sorry lah, I feel for you k.

-
Bad idea to have the same first name as your sister.

I SUPERPOKED MYSELF ON FACEBOOK.
-

EDITEDITEDIT.

Okay sorry. Yesterday I laughed a lot. HAHAHAHA.
I just saw Cheryl Koh Yan Lin's blog. And got reminded that she showed me how she auditioned for a circus show. Whoever was at PR interchange last night at about 9:30pm, lucky you. HAHAHAHA.

Her moves were WOW 0.0
*jaws drop*
So cool and suave. Fast and sleek.
She showed me the moves of a true ninja. Ain should have been proud. Must be.

Of course, she wouldn't have wrapped it up with her deafening laughter. The hornet die liao like that.

All in the name of saving a phone.

How did it even fly in the first place. Magician ah Cheryl. Sorry, no, ninja.

-

And now the visuals of my mother having her first drink of tom yum soup that afternoon keeps replaying. Hahaha, basket. I must die a horrible death, srsly. Sadist.

2009-03-16T19:02:00.002+08:00

Bu xi huan leh. Tsk.

I need to meet my Ponyo Ponyo tonight. >:(
Else I die. Haven't been working at night that's why I miss her so much.
Good thing Fadhil's caught the flu bug! Heheh.

Ponyo! Nak hug!!

I'm suppose to do some cleaning in my room which I've delayed countless times. Today I plan to do it all since it's my off day. But guess what! I've got to replace a sick friend so I'm working tonight. So there goes the cleaning part. Sigh. I'm gonna get a tirade from Sabby & Ma. Tsk.

A few days ago she asked me. I answered. I lied. Then she said something.
In my mind, I wanted to do as she said.
But a night and dreams later..
I'm a loser. I'm not brave. No no. I just have no courage. Tsk. D:

Hmm. I'm just guessing that our paths are never gonna cross again. Quit it with the half-regret thing! (>.<)

If anybody out there is as sappy as me, low 5.

-
You know last night, I was in TJC somehow. Got concert probably. But I was stuck with Josie and I-don't-know-who. We were trying to get out of that school. Then creepy2. Stairs and empty corridors. Then very chaotic. Jojo didn't want to run across the field with me, she got caught by the flying *********. Outside the school gate, my aunty fetched me cuz it was raining. !!?!?!!!
Scary lor.
-

I think I should just continue working night shifts. Keeps me off these horrible nightmares.

2009-03-15T13:16:00.002+08:00

I haven't been dreaming for as long as I can remember.

Reason why? Probably because I've been working at night and when I drop dead to sleep in the morn/aftnn, I just drop dead as I said, so waste no precious time for dreams? I don't know.

This week, I've been blessed with the best schedule ever made. Lol. 4 days off and only have to work on afternoon shift for the rest of the week. Power right.

So back to the dreaming issue:

The people I dreamt was so..
It was so random & ??!?! that just them starring in my dreams make it all nightmares in the end.

That's not the worst.
The things that they do. O.O
Rly. Just O.O

One bit my hand. ???!?!?!?!?!?!
One called me and said, "Same time same place k." Eh? Right.
One met me at some control station to pass me honeydew+watermelon juice. Yeah wtf. I don't know how I know what juice it was I just know ok.

K so fine, not nightmare-nightmare lah. Just that when you wake up you'll mumble to yourself "...wtf..." and off you go to pee for the morning.

But the last one. Hmm. It didn't turn out a nightmare in the end. This person was so nice and kind, the way he/she is, it was so sentimental that when I woke up this morning into actuality, the feeling became wistful.
So wistful it gave me a heartache. >:(

So right now, I long to meet this person and be happy together again.

Dreams are evil then, I thought. To make me thing I could revive things just like that. When in reality, life's a total bitch nothing is quite possible.
But some would say, "Stop it with you negativity, Zatty."
By then, my mind would be so crammed of so-how(s).

Gosh.
Eventually when I recall the people in my dreams, it wasn't that random afterall.

Which makes it even worse actually.

Now, my mind's not more or less insane. Jiu ming. T.T

2009-03-13T00:13:00.002+08:00

Hmm.

I don't know how to put this.

What if I already plan to deceive you.
What if I'm the total opposite of who you thought I am.

What if I told you that this is the truth.

That I'm a mean person.
I cheat. I lie.

-

Truth is. I'm not ready. I don't think I'll ever be.

I choose freedom.
The freedom to wait for my right one.

Almost perfect. I'm not the one either. I'm not.
I'm not nice.

So.. Sorry I've wrecked your heart. Rly sorry.
Awesome be with you. ;)

2009-03-11T15:16:00.002+08:00

He never gave a reason. A good one.
I never gave a reason. A good one.

There's no good reason for liking and disliking something.

Life's a bitch for that.

2009-03-03T16:52:00.000+08:00

And I just found out I last blogged 2 months ago.
WOW.

HAHAHAHAHA FUCKIN LAME K BAI.

2009-03-03T16:23:00.002+08:00

Weather has been funky I might fall sick soon. Again. Weak ah.

I miss sleeping at home at night. Miss miss miss. I only get it once a week. >:(
Or maybe, I simply miss sleeping at night. HAHAHAHA PORK.

Haven't been blogging for sucha long time.

blamemccafe. xp

Anway, updates:

Sabby bought a hamster, Huppy the weirdo.
I'm now a full-timer night shift worker at ecp's mccafe - almost making me crazy. Actually ting tong alr.
Mother got a HANDPHONE hahahahah
Eldest brother bought another hamster, Betty the cute.
Everybody at home sits and admires quietly in front of the hamsters' cage at least 5 minutes a day. Except me.
An extra pc and laptop at home. Ting tong.
I'm going SP. Food science & technology.
I feel sick when I have to eat maitanglau.
Sabby's shrine extra full alr.
I've got many Malaysian and Indonesian friends now. Awesome. Malay in me is back!
I've got different kind of friends lah actually. Now.
Band practices damn nostalgic. Abigail still as ____ as ever, rock on.
Cheryl's back to Gunbound days.
JOSIE DON'T REPLY TO MY TEXTS D:
I frickin miss the girls.
I actually miss school.
This isn't an update thing alr.
Hahahaha. Heck ah.
Ain too busy to come back.
>:(
Currently the person I rant all my small, lame problems is this Indonesian guy, Wiguna but I call him Wina or Winnie. He doesn't understand 3/4of the time I whine. But I'm still thankful at least someone actually listens to me.
I've said many goodbyes. >:'(
Sabby's students found her in Facebook.
I just logged in Facebook to see2.
Mother wants me to buy mushroom.

So to wrap things up. For now. I miss real food, sleeping at night, company of my best friends which I don't rly talk to anymore now BOOHOO except for Ain but guess what, we're fading too AHHHHHHH.

Ok babes, see this alr sms me k. HAHAHAHA.
TK. (tak malu) -credits to Sabby for all these short formed terms.

K byebye.

2009-01-03T16:27:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year. HAHAHA, what the hell. I'm 3 days late. Sheesh.

Anyway, right now 2009 will only scare me of O LEVELS RESULTS. The horror, I tell you. I'll be shitting loads of crap till then, srsly. I'm v v nervous lol. This is the part when all my friends are going, cow, we should have studied harder. We could. HAHAHA, but we didn't. Ah hahah. Whtvr.

Do well, bad or okay will still be the same. Well at least for the few minutes after receiving results. All three scenarios I'll be crying HAHAHAHA lame.

AIN AND HER COUSINS ARE EVIL PRANKSTERS LAH. IDIOT. I JUST SAW HER BLOG. BASKET.

IMAGINE ALR HAVING A BAD DAY AT WORK. AND THEN WHILE AT WORK YOU'RE BUSY POURING ALL SORTS OF CHOC STUFF AND THEN THERE'S THIS LASER AT YOUR FACE, THE BLENDER, THE CUP. ANNOYING.

On the side note, I realised almost everybody had a black face last night. Pretty scary. Hmm, bad day for everyone I guess. And my range of words are getting .... Jiu ming.

MAN.. I MISS PLAYING THE PIANO. LIKE PROPERLY. IT'S COLLECTING DUST ALR!
Damn it, I WILL GO AND TAKE EXAMS SOON. I BETTER DO SO OR I WON'T DIE IN PEACE LOL WTF. OK NO SERIOUS.

I MISS BADMINTON W MY BROTHERS AND SISTER AND JOSIE AND SOME RANDOM CLASSMATES AND FRIENDS/COUSINS OF CLASSMATES LOL.

I WANT TO READ ALL THE BOOKS THAT MY SISTER JUST BOUGHT. THERE'S LIKE SEVEN BOOKS. AND I WANNA WATCH DVDS. THERE'S LIKE NINE DRAMAS FOR ME TO WATCH AND MORE ONLINE. UGH WHEN CAN I WATCH!

AND IT IS SO PEACEFUL TO BLOG AND NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE USING MY SISTER'S LAPTOP. MY LAPTOP IS BACK TO ITS CRAZY PSYCHOTIC SCROLLING DOWN BY ITSELF 24/7 BEHAVIOUR. YEAAAAHHH. NOT FREAKY ANYMORE LAPPYTOPPY, YOU'RE JUST BEING EFFIN ANNOYING.

&

FUCK I NEED TO REPLY TO MY PENPALS LIKE IMMEDIATELY BUT I'M SO. UGH. I THINK I'LL JUST GO OFF. TOUCHING THE LAPTOPS MAKE ME GUILTY CUZ I'LL ONLY SHOP ONLINE AND NOT REPLY TO MAILS. SNAIL MAIL IS SRSLY SNAILING FOR ME. I HAVEN'T EVEN MAIL IT OUT YET. REAL SNAIL MAIL ZATTY, GD JOB.

OKIE BYE. I WANNA GO WHITE SANDS AND TAKE NEOPRINTS.

Good day.

2008-12-22T22:29:00.003+08:00

I miss sherri and josie and afiqah and fey. >:(
Missing them means only one thing. We don't see each other a lot anymore.

*sobs.

But I'm meeting them tmrw so I shall be very happy and have fun tmrw.Yayye ok.

I don't miss Ain ah. Ew. Actually right HAHAHA. Never mind. She asked me to foad. So I fo but the ad part can foad. Ain is being irritating. Grr, bite you tmrw ah. Watch out.

AHHH MY GIRLFRIENDS I MISS YOU ALL SO SO MUCH!! :(
You guys better miss me ah. If not I jump down.

Okie bye. Two posts tonight. HAHAHA, RANDOM.

2008-12-22T20:54:00.002+08:00

It's been ages since I blog lah.
Hahah, bless my soul.

It has been a long long time since I read a book, play the piano, chat on msn, replying mails, go out, shop, omg peace for my soul, joy for my spirit and love my heart srsly.

Alright anyways, I can't wait for tmrw. Cuz finally! After like what, hmm 37 years? Lol, I'm meeting my girlfriends!! Yayye!

Damn, I have nothing much to say. Wtf. That's so weird. Tsk.
Ah whtvr.

kthankyyyy byebye!!

2008-12-10T12:23:00.002+08:00

Heard of the butterflies in your stomach song before?
Lol. People, dedicate it for me.

Anyway, has been quite a long time aye?
Feeling fine, doing ok.

I'm like so bloody excited to meet Cheryl & Abigail for Chiaw Hong's concert YAYYE. Hahahah.

And now I'm just waiting for Sherri to mass sms the girls. And yes Sha, I'm assuming you'll be planning the outing HAHAHAH sorry Kak Pah. ;p
Luv u. Heheh.

Today, I got sufficient sleep. Hahah. Not that I'm complaining I have to wake up early or at a certain time. Not that I'm saying I have passion for HEH too. Lol.

Sabby have to wake up alr. It's 1pm alr! Sheesh. Piggy.

DID I MENTION OH NO I DIDN'T HAHAHAH YEAHH!

Kbye! Lol. Wtf, this post is like HAHAHAH. Stupid shiz.
kbai. <3

2008-11-28T22:27:00.002+08:00

I've made some decisions.
It's gonna be tough playing and living by them.

I can't even bring justice to myself. Do you even love yourself, Zatty?

Work it out, work it out right, harder.

2008-11-26T01:44:00.003+08:00

Hihi!

It's Wednesday morning alr! Ha.

Prom was like on, er, Monday. Two days ago, technically. But we're like, yesterday was awesome babe. Hahahah.

Oh my God, Zatty. That's lame. -.-

Alright anyw, I'm a bummer for uploading pichas in my blog. Just so bloody lazy. But for distribution sake and duh I wanna share my awesome, gorgeous, funky and whtsvr night, here it goes guys.

http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g270/zattyrcks/PROM NIGHT 08/

COPY AND PASTE THE WHOLE THING. LIKE THE WHOLEE THING. Plus the NIGHT 08 w the spaces ok.

& take only what you need and not my not-so-fugly-anymore(HAHAHAH!) pictures for your satanic purposes ty God bless you. And bless HSC for making this God bless you a habit.

Alright! Class chalet tmrw, no wait correction, later in about 13 hours or so. I swear I'll disappear for at least an hour and just have some time alone. Lol. Going near the beach just makes me so bloody peaceful lol. No like rly, sorry I kinda put lol like everywhere nowadays. It's just that I rly laughed out loud even though it's not in context.

So as I was saying. That frickin place is kind of a sacred place for me lol wtf. Kind of ah. Cuz the people who once knew the best of Zatty always bring me there for a chat or a quiet slow-paced walk. It's just so.. Heh. No doubt there'll always be that tinge of fuck imu but oh well God must think that two great people hanging out is too BLINGBLING.

Whtvr happen to those lovely people. Sigh. Yes, not one person, people. Sigh.

OKAY WAIT, WTH, IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE A PROM NIGHT POST. -.-

All my girls were looking effin' gorgeous I swear I'd turned les for them HAHAH but they're all so into their bfs who bloodysweet-ly visited them during the whole thing UGH fuckin sweet it makes me sick. Lol, just kidding. Except about the looking shizzly awesome. Heh. ;p

No but, srsly, the highlight was that I could see couples everywhere. Well for me, that is. All else less. Bloody hell. Makes me bloody sick like chlorine up your nostrils and somehow made its way to your oesophagus which is so bloody bloody and sick.. Ugh. Plus the existence of a frickin ____________ ***** couldn't make my night more *-ed up. (:

Sometimes I wonder so bloody hard, what the hell do guys have up their effin minds. Like totally screwed up at the perfect wrong moment or what. And for the record, I don't have a thing for that guy, he's just a guy friend. ;)
Hey hunk(cuz babe sounds wrong HAHAH), you upset me man. Wtf is wrong w you dude!

Dancefloor was the shit or what lah.

Food was HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I think 7 year old me could whip up something more hmmm. Lol.

This so isn't a post about my coming-in-majestically-late Prom. Gosh.

I promise a very dedicated and (I'm thinking whether I should promise a detailed one too) yeah, just a very dedicated Prom Night post just to show how much spaz it actually gave me and how nowordscandescribe how my girlfriends dressed up. Plus OMG OK THAT CAN WAIT LOL.

HA. Bet you wanna know badly what I'm so dying to spaz the shizz off my visualisations HAHAHAH. Oh it's all at the tip of my tongue but guess what! My body desires the bed now. Heheh.

Alright, lengthy but srsly a waste of time if you actually read this far. Sorry! Hahahah.

Later! (:

2008-11-22T23:02:00.003+08:00

Just when I started thinking about my old self. The one that's so bloody moody and grumpy. The one with horrible mood swings.

If anybody noticed, I am a different person now. I take things at its surface. I do not go in depth anymore cuz it beats off the paranoia.

But.

You know what. Forget it. I'm just gonna pretend that it's not a big deal. It isn't. Yeah, it isn't. This happens everytime anyw. So yeah, fuck, screw it.

Pardon me if this reminds you of the old Zatty. The one with crazy anger management and srsly bad mood swings.

But rly. Gosh. Okay. Hmm. Yeah. Ok.

2008-11-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

Blogging everyday, I obviously have too much time on my hands. Lol.

I'm dead-tired today. It was fun though. Except Mother's ahhhhhhhhh hahahahah I wished someone could save me but noooo. Ha. I survived anyways.

Thx Ain for tonight heh.
Ain said I changed. She said I'm crazy (in a gd way she says) & coolER. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
;p
&& she said I make people feel comfortable WOW hahahah. And that I don't give shiz to potray how buruk I am. THANKS, so I am buruk. Hmm.

Oh well. Okie. I hope Sabby got me a belt or sth heh.

AH DAMN TIRED SRSLY. OMG FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE O LEVELS MAN THIS FEELING HAHAHAHAH. It's 11pm but I don't care. I'm going to sleep NOW. Not waiting for Sabby who's vv busy playing xbox somewhere. Sheesh.

kbaibai! (:

2008-11-21T01:22:00.002+08:00

Wow wee! It's Friday alr! Heheh. This is so fun and exciting. I can feel prom now. HAHAH wth.

ANYW, yesterday my sister & I bought coloured contact lenses. HAHAHAHAHA.
I'm so unhappy that whtvr my sister puts on looks totally fine. Grr.
But when I put them on, doesn't matter what colour, EFFIN SATANIC MANZXZ. Like frickin fierce ah. Hahaha.

And Afiqah had the most funny theory of why I looked fierce when I wore the contact lens. She said, "cuz you nvr smile la beb.."

HAHAHA, she took it literally awwwww she's effin cute man! Baby I luv u! Hahah!

So anyw yeah, if Loser wanna mess w me again, HAHAH, I'll put on my scary green eyes and give the smokiest glare and make Loser poo. Heheh, inside joke ah. Only Afiqah supports me. Lol.

Ah dang I forgot to write a letter for my penpal. You know we're like a couple of retarded, cute kids. Lol. No, srsly. We talk to each other online on msn, we email each other and yet we still wanna try snail mail. Just for the fun of it. Hahahah.
Oh it'll be fun! Hee~

Okie dokie. It's 1:30AM! And I've to run some errands early in the morning and I'm not asleep yet. Dead, you, Zatty. Lol.

AND IF YOU GOT SCARS OR WOUNDS THAT NEEDS TO BE HEALED FAST, BANANA BOAT'S ALOE VERA GEL IS THE SHIZ SRSLY. THANK GOD FOR IT RLY.

Heheh okie ok nights!

AHHHHH pls make my wish come true~~

2008-11-19T00:17:00.004+08:00

Hi.

I don't want to say a thing anymore.
But I rly wanna share this song! Hee~ It was a hit in Korea for the past few months. Not until Wonder Girls' Nobody conquered the Number One spot for months and months up till now!

Here's Epik High fet. Younha - Umbrella.

Effin sad ok. Makes me wanna get a bf HAHAHAH.

Believe or not, my sister's friends actually recorded themselves dancing to Wonder Girls' Nobody. Frickin cute right. Like they took the liberty of learning the dance moves. Hahahah.

And you cannot not know about Wonder Girls' Nobody. It's been the hit song in Korea since September. Even my penpal from South Korea wanted to teach me their dance HAHAHAHAHA. Effin adorable.

I've always thought that Wonder Girls were a bit too hmmm hahah for me. (I hope WG fans doesn't see this) and that's why I've always prefered Girls Generation - Omg GG is bloody innocent and cute ok. Rly. - But I think this time WG sure stole my heart. Hawhaw.
But I rly think Sohee can't * for nuts. Ah damn I'm so screwed if WG fans sees this. :x

Hahahah. I hope I didn't kill my readers or anything with my craze over Korea and Japan all these years. Hawhaw k thx bye, enjoy the vids!

2008-11-18T14:09:00.004+08:00

Afternoon.

Sorry for being such an angry kid last night. Anyw, kinda fell asleep and guess what! I woke up at 2PM. I love my life. It isn't that crazy you know.

I'm suppose to go swing and bitchslap some shuttlecocks with Josie today but heh. I'm contemplating. And she said nothing about it too. Oh well, let's just see.

And for buggers who are mentally irritating the hell out of me, I am so bloody sorry for actually visualising me giving you judo chops at the back of your neck and then snigger when you drop dead and then I'd hop to the air and over all the rooftops and disappear. But I'm not that apologetic you know. Ah wth. Lol, what a bitch, Zatty..

FUCK DOGGY UPSTAIRS. I swear when we're gonna move, the last day of me staying here would be the most terrible, traumatic nightmare Doggy should EVER have. I swear. For all the chasings and throwing 2kg detergent on you, WATCH OUT OK. I wanted to say screw you, but no ew, you're fucking bloated, you have no fur you sick sick dog. I'm gonna come after you with !@%#.

I srsly hate that particular dog. Just it.

-
I still feel pathetic. Almost about everything. Promises, lovely lone issues, STUPID FUCKING PROM (okie sorry sweethearts, it is not a stupid fuckin thing, i'm just angry okie.), realised I'm actually Goob. Why must people make promises. Why must I make promises and then forget it too. *ANOTHER CHANT OF CURSES*

And blogger decides to be cranky now and just delete the bottom part of my post F U.

And I swear that stupid cricket with vocal chords way too big for him is fuckin the shiz out of me.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG MAN.

Help, jiu ming, tolong, 助ける, 돕다.

I'm suppose to go visit Cheryl at TP. But I rly feel like a blob of gum.
Damn, Mothership just had to transform right now.

Already as it is I'm bitchy and angry, not grumpy, angry. And there she goes about me not "vacuuming the house".

THX MA, I FEEL GOOD, FINALLY. YOU SAVED ME. YEAHHHHH!

Someone, pray for me while I'm getting busy cleaning my house and pillow fights with pillows. Thx.

2008-11-17T23:42:00.003+08:00

Oh man. What has happened to me.. >:(

I realised that the minute I turned 17, I became this whiny-childish-annoying girl. What the.
It's bugging me lah.

Could it be because of the shitty stuff that has been occuring over and again to me and my friends. Ah damn I'm frickin UGH. IT IS LAH SHEESH.

F. Nothing is working out for me. Srsly. Life is unfair. I think I said that a million times in this blog. I'm pathetic. Srsly. I haven't even got my prom dress can you believe it. It's next monday, fuck. I haven't got ANYTHING.

I better stop blogging before all the swearings and curses fly here. Shit. Fuck.

>:'((((((

2008-11-15T23:13:00.002+08:00

Hi hi!

Heee~
Today, I'll be the very very thick-skin and cheeky heheh. ;p

Happy 17th Birthday to ME!!

Hahahahahahah, oh man. I want to feel like this every single day. I swear it feels so good. Stupid emotions HAHAH.
Dear Ain, we're no longer of the same age, for only 6 days only. Aww. Hahah, come Kakak Zatty tumbuk you first HAHAHAHA.

And my girlfriends did the sweetest thing today, despite the fact that we were so so bloody ____ about the job earlier in the morning. Heheh. Yeah we quit, angsty kids! ;p

Anyw, AHHHHHHHH frickin surprises!!! AWESOME SHIZZZZZ YO. HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T CONTAIN HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HAHAHAH. Not even in words. Stupid, how can I not describe whtvr happened in words? Lol.

Er. The girls, surprised, me? HAHAHAHA OKIE OKIE. THANKS JOSIE+nicky SHAAAR AND FIQAH! HEEEEEE~ LOVE YOU LOVE YOU.

Abigail forgot my birthday anyw. :( I had to remind her in the train in front of the other commuters. >:(
Lol jk!

Okok, counting down to my sister's birthday now. 40 more minutes and she's still being kidnapped by her friends, aweeesome.

OKAY DAMN EXHAUSTED HAHAHAHAHA BUT I'M STILL LAUGHING WTF I SWEAR I WAS SUCHA HAPPY KID TODAY. LIKE EXTREMELY HAPPY THAT I THOUGHT I WASN'T BEING MYSELF HAHAHAHAH OH MAN I WAS SUCH AN UNHAPPY PERSON BEFORE THIS LOL OKOK.

Heeeee. Thx again girls luv u muackzxz! Cheer up and let's work harder heheh.

Kkthxbye! ;p

2008-11-14T01:01:00.002+08:00

YO WHAT'S UP HEHEHEH.
Ok moment of retardation lol.

Let's see.. Where did I stop. Ahh.. 10/11.

O Levels officially ended alr. For me. And most of my friends except depressed Ain >:(
Somehow, hmm. I just didn't quite find the rave of it all. Weirddd.

Probably (honestly) because I quite lost the urgency and importance of studying extremely hard for the exams halfway through it? :x
Sabby pls don't kill me lol, I still studied okie!

Ah whtvr. O LEVELS ARE OVER I SHALL HAVE ALL THE FUN I WANT. Yeah. Cuz the "end" actually marks the begin of maturity. Uhmm k complexity. What I mean is that, ah forget it. Heh.

I'm gonna have fun with my girlfriends this holiday working for a while, and then PROM NIGHT MUAHAHAHAH & then class chalet OHHH AWESOMEZZZ.

My baby girls, ok no, my big big girls, don't get so upset over bf matters when we're out tgt kk. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not being insensitive here. I just want you to forget all about shitty things and have fun and cheer up babes. Besides, I'll feel left out not having any guy thingy problems HAHAHAH JUST KIDDING I LUV U ALL MANY MANY, MUACKZ. Heheh.
But of cuz, I'm always all ear-ed up for you girls kkkkk. Hee~

Sorry for the very unhappy, grumpy, teary & emo Zatty the past few days. :(
And thx for everything, rly. :D
In case I never told you girls before, you babes are the only ones I have in life other than those busy adults at home. ;)

ALRIGHT LET'S WORK HARD AND START WORKING OUT FOR HOT BODIES AND PREPARE OURSELVES FOR MEGA SHOPPING OUTINGS HEHEHEH.

Bye!

2008-11-10T22:59:00.002+08:00

Hi.

I am so tired, I don't understand why and how.
And I don't understand why this heavy heart too.

m: you're hurting me.
o: you just suck so much. rly.
i&u: insecurity alert, i'm sorry idk y.
b: i miss you, you so can't see it do you.
y: i'm gonna bitchslap you if you do what you wanna do, rly. and fuck you srsly.
r: why? i'm sorry in any ways. :(

ALRIGHT. That kinda make me feel a little better.
Try your best, readers, a million bucks if you can ever figure who all that people are. Heh.

Tmrw marks the end of O Levels for me. But I don't feel any excitement, rly. Maybe not yet. I don't know. Fucklahbye.

2008-11-01T01:42:00.002+08:00

Typed a couple of things that I thought it has been bothering me. But. *backspaceee*
Either because I was unsure or I was in denial. Or maybe I could just give it away..

Somehow, I get very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable I pretend to be top-notch. And when I succeeded putting on that pretentious self, I get home all drained and exhausted.
Putting on a clueless mind when deep down inside I know what's the matter, the uneasy feeling becomes so lethal it's killing me so slowly.

It's either me or.. It has to be me. Yes. It must be.
Damn it.

First, I just can't seem to solve this. I don't know where to start. I don't even know why, what and how. F.
Second, I'm in a dilemma. Should I give up pretending to be ok and just look haggard and wasted?
& third, I know I musn't get affected now. So should I just be a chicken and chuck all these aside so I don't have to face it ever again?

To me, this perplexity has been so rampant, it would disturbing to any other being. Even the ones who are unsentimental, rly.

Infantile behaviours or just plain distrust?

Don't try reading in between the lines. I guess the temporary and inconsistent solution is to stay composed and be as brezzy as possible.

2008-10-27T20:46:00.003+08:00

Too much of being too quiet.

It's been quite a while. The meaning of quiet to be peaceful seems wrong. Hmm.
It's been so undisturbed that I'm getting disturbed. Too quiet that even when I exploded, no one seemed to care or even realise.

Pretty sad, yeah.

Right now, I have no comments about everything. Yeah, everything.
From 'O' Levels to the people around me. I can't be bothered anymore.

All I know now is to study hard, pray and hope it brings me the best future.

Forgive me for being distant. But from how I've been living for the past few months, it seems ok, I think?

Alright, study hard and persevere for now. ;)
And yes, only I can motivate this pathetic self, gosh.

2008-10-07T22:34:00.005+08:00

So this is how it feels.. I see.

I think the "punishment" or in Ain's term, retribution is totally suffering, hell yeah.

I've not been in school for the longest time. :X
But don't worry, Zatty here is working very hard! Heheh.

Aft yesterday's Hari Raya outing w the 5N Malay gang, I realised they mean a lot to me. Rly.

Okie, I gotta get back on track by tmrw morning. Gotta make sure my friends are studying too!
Currently, I have been working closely w Fey on our secret timetable plan shizz. Hoping that Sha, Josie & Afiqah can join. And I'm gonna kidnap Ain for a few days to make sure she makes sure that I'll be rly studying YEAH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH i am going crazy.

OKIE WISH MY LUCK. APPROX 2 WEEKS TO O LEVELS. OR LESS THAN THAT. I KNOW THE NUMBERS BUT I DON'T WISH TO SCARE FELLOW MATES LIKE HOW SOME CLASSMATES ARE COUNTING DOWN IN THEIR BLOGS AND MSN NICKS. I TELL YOU IT JUST SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME SO THX BUT NO THX HAHAHAH WTF HELP.

Any kind souls wanna make my days and nights more joyable for me? You just need to ring me and chat LOL hahaha. You'll be throwing rainbows at me I swear. HAHAH K bye.

HAHAHAHAHAHAKIM JUST MADE MY NIGHT.
PLASTER HAHAHAHA. thx ah.

2008-09-18T16:30:00.003+08:00

Getting "exposed" to the different kinds of scenarios & problems & backgrounds certainly put me to the advantage. At least in one way or another. Because I figured that I accept all these setbacks quite easily. Be it hypocrisy leading to lying or rejections.

Pretty commendable huh? Lol, self-proclaimed. I just think that I feel so dead when it comes to problems. Heh. Even right up to this second, I am joking about it. Hah.

Today, I learnt two rly meaningful and definitely noteworthy, wait no, valuable and important lessons:

1. Lies comes with consequential effect(s). Not so much about lying. But how tiny blunders made so much destruction. So tiny it seems a little bit too deliberate to me. Probably made on purpose BUT unconsciously? Hmmm..

No doubt, I told many lies. Stupid lies about studying when all that I did was play the PSP.
Thank God, at least my lies didn't destroy anything.

2. If it was not for self-respect and pride, no one would have gone anywhere near their dreams or in this case; curiosity and satisfaction to find out the truth that has been haunting them.

As major as this may sound, I find it utterly ridiculous, I feel like running away. But I guess, I hope, I pray, that this is the end of it all. As crude as this sound, I am seriously rly rly effin' sick of the - seemingly never-ending - dramatic issues.

But wait, don't jump to conclusions my friends.

Today, however, was different. I know for a good reason that this time, if any drama were to be scripted spontaneously in the very very near future, it would be the last and the end to all the previous episodes.

Weird, it's as if my friends and I are filmed for some kind of soap opera. Heh.

My lovely friends, it seems that we've been living under so much misunderstandings & hatred, we got so blind and too-bloody-innocent.
But fret not, if God's willing, all will be well soon. That, I assure you. ;)

I think I even almost forgot how much you guys once meant to me. Awwwww..

2008-09-13T00:45:00.002+08:00

Great, everything's dumping at me all at once.

I've been too spaced out whatt, that's why. Right.
Gosh.

As if I'm not thinking. As if I'm not facing any problems AT ALL.
If I were so unrefined, I would have said this; as if I have nothing better to do to think about this shiz. That's so crude.

I'm being serious this time.

I really do have a lot in my mind. I rly rly have too much too comprehend.

This just had to happen at this perfect timing. Life's so vulgar man.

2008-09-08T20:25:00.002+08:00

I'm saying it now.

I'm not gonna do well for prelims.

Fuck, bye.

You know, actually I feel..
Forget it.

I hope I burst soon.

2008-08-28T21:28:00.002+08:00

Lady Luck is being kind suddenly. Lol. K let's not put it in that way, she might stop all the sprinkling-gold-dust stuff. Hah.

Other than feeling pathetic, useless and hmm, confused, I'm pretty much enjoying life the way it is now. Not so comfortable but also not inconvenient. ;p

Ah shiz, I gotta - k back. Hahahahahaha!

Feeling exhausted, still. Hope I'll recover from this fatigue soon. It's affecting my daily schedule. My reason is that I needed a break. Funny lah Zat. I gotta get back studying and working my ass off man.

And Siti babe, strong ah k?
This must not happen again understand!

Sharifah lost her sanity. And I'm not making her stomach any better. HAHAHAHAHA. Maaf ah.

I guess this post might end very abrupt. Cuz I got a lil mind block and I swear my eyes are closing by the second. F.

ACES Day and Teachers' Day Celebration tmrw. How exciting yayye omg whtvr. K wait, some of my teachers have been a real great help. So ok, respect. OMG, I'm typing bullshit I want to backspace but you know I'm so lazeeeeeeeeee so just read on lol. Kickboxing tmrw. Yayye......

Alright. I gotta stay away from the laptop again. Till then, everyone take care, study hard, eat well and exercise. Screw O Levels lah srsly. K I'm just tired and irritated. Stop cursing stop cursing.

Along the way, I'll update my sappy life once in a while. Lol. I miss blogging every night hahahaha. Fuck, shit. K bye ppl.

2008-08-25T22:54:00.004+08:00

I think it isn't fair to be called something like a bigot or whtsvr. Cuz I'm not a phony person.

Now, rly, I think the world is being unfair. It's like all four walls surrounding me are on cahoots. And this stains my mind for having thoughts that other people are having evil intention to kill me or whtsvr when they do not.

But srsly, evry effin' shit is stabbing me at weird moments, whenever it all wants to. F this effin' thing. It is getting to me. This suddenly makes me feel as if I was designed for a lame purpose. As if I was proposed to be the scapegoat and target.

This is what I call a delay. A distraction, disturbance. An interruption. An inappropriate or unwelcome addition of issues in these already f-ed & shitty enough life I'm having. It's so marginal and has no purpose I don't understand why it has to even occur.

This might be anger. It may also not necessarily be so.
And I don't understand why I have to justify or explain the effin' rationale for all I've done.

I'm just gonna sound like an ungrateful bitch. Not appreciating all the love and oh i support you shiz. Now I'm putting horrible, hurting words in my mouth. Great. What is fuckin wrong w me.

Now I rly see the grounds and logic. And therefore I think I shall start my own journey of living my own life in my own world that no one will ever fathom at any day of his/her existence.

I'm so sore and dashed.
So sore and dashed enough to make me sound this crazy.

2008-08-18T16:59:00.003+08:00

I was reading my blog, posted way back during N Levels period. Thinking maybe, somehow, the stories I had then, at that time could boost my motivation again. But then.. Hah. I sounded pretty depressing actually. Lol. So here goes one of those emo posts:

Friday, September 21, 2007

Perhaps keeping in touch with your inner self isn't that good in the end.
Guess spending too much time on your own will only do bad to yourself. Cuz then you'll figure who you are rly.

As for me, spending time on my own, figuring who I am, was a mistake. I had subconsciously changed. Since the time I realised who I am inside, it brought me nothing but troubles and what I used to do to overcome all these in past suddenly was like cycling on a broken bicycle.

Running away on a useless bicycle. Only made me more vulnerable & weak inside.

Aspirations, dreams & visions are all I see. But what's the use of it if all I could do was to work towards it. Work towards it when the journey isn't full of hopes, excitement and problems.
Isn't all of these about the journey? My journey is empty and fruitless. Which just sums up that when I reach my destination, I had made it but only unsuccessfully. What a shame, then.

Yes. That was me. Yes, this is me.
Significant differences brought by myself, by accident.

The more I think about how unintentional that this has happened to me, the more I weep.
It just means how I'm eating myself up, slowly, bit by bit, without realisation.

*-*-*-*

So that's the only difference. Previously, I could only express myself. But now, I realised that there's much more in everything. Too much for me to comprehend, I can't even utter inside of myself how I'm feeling.

I guess reality struck me alr.
And this is bad. The thought I'm having that seems to doubt my own dreams.

I'm pretty unhappy, that's all, I guess.

2008-08-12T15:10:00.003+08:00

Now, that was a turning point.

Gosh, the feeling sucked so bad, I understand how this works already. Now, I'm more driven cuz that certainly prompt me to rly wake up.

A very harsh wake up call that I did not expect to hit me so hard. So uncalled for, it was almost irrelevant but so vital and necessary at the same time. The irony.

That's it. I have to work extra hard.

Sorry for disappointing those who believed in me.
Don't give up just yet, cuz I believe this second chance won't be a letdown.

2008-08-06T22:08:00.003+08:00

For the past hour, I tried very hard to think of sth good to say here.
Because soon, or starting from now I should say, this blog will be quite dead. Half-dead. Yeah.

Rejoice for this moment when I actually decide to get seriously serious. Heh.

This sounds so lame. And it is even more corny that I'm doing all this aft listening to a particular song.

Oh man Zatty, whatever happened to you.

Anyw, I just hope that this post would clear things up to everyone.
That I might be something like an insensitive bitch, boring asshole, uptight whore and the list goes on.

Believe me, I know myself the best. So I'm not wrong about this.
Yes, you're suppose to cringe. ;)

On a brighter note, I've finally decided my future. It's a secret. You'll know when you'll see. Hah! Good luck for that. ;p

So yes, Thank God for the high fever, it got my senses back on the correct track.
& I hope my friends understand me enough to allow myself be - in simple terms and without its deep characteristics and whatnots - sth lika 'geek'. Yeahh.

& I'll need lots of indirect support. Lol, yeah go on, say wtf. Hahah. But yeah, indirect support. ;) And w this I need a lot of help from Sabby firstly. Whtvr your help may be, i sen you many many woman. And then my dear friends, you precious babes, this is our last leap in this shitty phase of our lives. Let's start being extra independent and work on it alright! ;D

I love my life. I do. With all its uncertainty and unfairness and craps it has in store for me, I love it dearfully. Too much I don't want to waste a second of it. This isn't just about stupid lame O Levels k.

I want to make the people at home proud. And obviously, all these for my own freaky self. Hahah!

Alright, okie okie, don't want to get into deep thoughts. So.. it should be a norm that this blog only updates once in a blue moon k!

Wish me luck! <3

Oh man! Arashi's being so supportive and sweet w their Lalala~ Hahah, oh gosh, Sho sounds terrible, still. Forever. :x

Okay, byeeeee yo!

2008-08-03T11:05:00.002+08:00

I have lots to update!
So prepare yourself for a lengthy post! ;p

Ok anyw, I can only remember what I did since last thursday. Lol.
So here goes..

Thursday!
Soccer: Four boys VS three girls. Fun. ;D

It was official that on that day, Afiqah & I spent quality time feasting on horribly-good-food. Lol.
Our excuse? That our period was coming, so the reason why our appetites were so _. & that we played soccer and needed more energy for the day. Hahaha.

First, you wouldn't want to know how much we ate in school aft class. Then we decided to be nice and send Sha to the bus stop and then Afiqah called her parents to later find out that they were at Sakura at Downtown East.

Aft much arguing, Afiqah convinced me to meet her parents PLUS join in the buffet. Damn pai seh k. But my god, were the food there good? Hell yeah. Hahaha, buruk right.

And then aft F&N at around 6 plus, Afiqah & I headed to Tampines to meet my sister. And then I convinced Afiqah to have dinner w us at Pastamania. OF COURSE MY SISTER PAID. LOL, pay back time. ;)

All these food in a matter of 6 hours. Yeah. Amazing?

Friday!!
Soccer for PE again. Only this time half the class played and so many got injured. Including me! >:(
Jessica got the ultimate solid-sounding ball hit her head. :x
Afiqah fell all over boys. Lol, that sounds wrong. HAHAHA. I slipped and fell so unglamorously. & at the last minute, I body-slammed Shaun Lee. Mind you, the bruise came immediately aft that. Lol.

HANDED IN MY F&N COURSEWORK PART B. THE HAPPINESS AND JOY I TELL YOU!! HAHAHA. Left straight aft F&N, leaving Afiqah and Josie alone (sorry!) cuz I wanted to play badminton w Sabby & her friends. Nicee.

Friday was basically a day I tried to have fun w Sabby's friends when they were over at home.

Saturday.
I kind of wasted half the day not waking up. Lol. Woke up at around 3 plus for lunch and off for grocery shopping. Then back home to watch dvd. That's all.

Sunday:
Since it's still pretty early now, I'm gonna plan what I'm gonna do for the day. Yeah.

Oh yes, I forgot sth impt. I wanted to declare that Friday was the most productive day ever. Lol.
First, handing in F&N Coursework. Then I got to burn off all the food I had the day before playing soccer and badminton. Then at home, I learnt how to tackle a ball and I learnt how to play a guitar. Yes ahhh.

HAHAHAHA. K kental. K bye!

2008-07-24T13:50:00.003+08:00

Hey you people of the world how are you doing i'm fine ty.

Heh.

I AM V EXCITED TODAY. I'm gonna go watch MJC Concert with CHERYL & ABIGAIL!

Okay wait, analyse it properly. I'm excited because I'm going out with Cheryl & Abigail. Not because of us going for MJC Concert. Okay wait shit. That sounds wrong too. Ah whtvr.
Mannnn, it's been ages since we went out. I wonder what happened to Shimin? It's like CCC being incomplete is perfectly okay alr.>:(

I'm just praying that Cheryl & I won't fall asleep. Cuz it's been a long long time since we played music, so music appreciation might be quite a boredom. Lolololol.

Anyw, proud of myself today. Okay actually no lah. Because I felt guilty that's why I did sth to "pay back". Lol.

I couldn't wake up for school. So when I finally woke up - terribly late - for the day, I cleaned every inch of the house and especially my room. Heh. Somewhere near sparkling clean! Lol. And then I did some edittings for my F&N coursework.

I'M FEELING HUNGRY NOW SO BYE ALL U LOVELY PEOPLE.
Omg did you read? Mark Lee actually wanted to name his newborn daughter Love Lee. Rofl. Love would have been a lovely name but Love Lee sounds so corny. Hahah.

Okay, I wanna eat, bye!

2008-07-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

Listening to Jason Mraz's I'm Yours suddenly makes me awfully sad.

At first, God knows why, I thought.
But I figured it out.
Then I told my sister casually that this song reminds me of someone I was close and nigh to before.

And then it finally occured to me that I rly respect this person. Bcuz of all friends I have/had, she knows what best for herself. It is sth like being selfish but smart to save her own future. Personally, I don't think that's anything near wrong or what. Honestly, I wish I was a bit like her. Because I believe she knows rly well what logic means.

Then I realised how disappointed I was that things had to turn out like this. The situation is so bad right now, I find it so darn lame. Srsly.

What's w all these anger and unhappiness. I'm ashamed of myself for getting drown in all the negativity before. But I've done enough sins this time. I think that's enough.

I wish the girls would wake up and think for a moment. All my girls. It upsets me so much that we're walking pass each other and not acknowledging the presence. Maybe we all forgot, but we were once one and horribly close, others envy us. We all cared for each other once. So fuckin concerned and innocent, we thought nothing would break us up.

Whatever happened to all that?

Even aft all these confessions, I'm gonna be a hypocrite this time. I'll deny all these in reality.
I'll just watch and see, like I always do. Words are cheap, anyw. Right?

2008-07-21T19:03:00.005+08:00

I've got a busy week ahead! Hope I'll survive it. I mean, I will, but, ahhh I just wanna make myself proud! Haww.

Last week has been pretty busy too.
Dinner w family at some posh restaurant at Grand Hyatt. Weird birthday song. REALLY DELICIOUS INDIAN CUISINE THERE. And rly nice Chinese food too!

And spending nights in hotels, I feel so pampered and worshipped. Lol. Wth, yeah.
But I'm back home now! Home sweet home! Gonna miss those comfortable pillows! And the movie marathons without interruptions.

Oh and I finally got to catch the whole of An Inconvenient Truth! Awesome man. I srsly think if Al Gore won the election instead of Bush, there wouldn't be much of racist jokes and global warming wouldn't be so darn serious like it is now.

I love the rly chilly weather these past few days though. K, random.

K bye! Wish me luck this week!

2008-07-18T20:28:00.002+08:00

8:30PM 8:30PM!

Lol, no significance but. Hah, nvrm.

I'm so happy today! ;D

First, I had fun during pe. Like I always do. And then second I learnt sth and had real fun discussing about Monday-dressing-up thingo w the girls. And thx Joyce for all the tips!

AND THEN AND THEN ME AND AFIQAH LEFT FOR CITY PLAZA STRAIGHT AFT SCHOOL.
Lol, ok chill. Anyw, the original plan was that we were supposed to go to Bugis Street to find Cheongsams. But then Joyce & Xin Yi said that City Plaza had real cheap and pretty ones, so we headed for City Plaza.

Okay then, that was when the adventure started. ;p
We walked around/in every alley/every corner/the outskirts of City Plaza for ONE WHOLE HOUR, SOLID. And found only those lace 69 bucks cheongsam, sheesh. And it wasn't even the place where J&X told us too. >:(

Explored Paya Lebar and then we both couldn't stand the hunger, cuz we were both so _. Lol.

Wanted to go Bugis Street next but Afiqah suggested that we head straight to Chinatown, the hub of all Chinese stuff. Hahaha. We were rly happy there. Bloody elated I tell you. Swear to God, God was being so fair. I think he saw us dying and getting upset at Paya Lebar he threw rainbows and led us to not one, but MANY MANY MANY shops full of Cheongsams and fans and AH AHAHAHAHAHA. ;D

We were rly lucky to patronise this ulu shop and got the perfect kind of Cheongsam we both wanted. Rly perfect and what was on our mind. The price was rly pretty too. Good bargain man. Srsly.

Then we bought fans! HAHAHAHAHAHA, random right.

And then and then we both agreed to go back to the east for late lunch cuz we haven't ate anything the whole frickin strenous day. ATE WHAT WE BOTH ALWAYS WANTED TO TRIED LOL WE HAD NO IMAN I SWEAR THAT'S WHY WE'RE SO HAPPY. Bump into Sean Kim, Marcuz & Kean and got reminded about the soccer match so we went back to school to catch the Boroughton Boys kick some balls. 9 - 2, awesome or shit man. (Ashley's awesomely a fanatic btw. ;p )

Walked back home w Christian and bonded lol. No srs, we did. ;)

AFIQAH BABY, YOU'RE SO LOVELY AND I LIKE YOU SO MUCH HAHAHAH. THX FOR TODAY BABE! HOPE YOU ENJOYED TODAY AS MUCH AS I DID KKKKKK!
P.S: I love the times we both spend together alone. HAHAHAHA SO LESBIAN RIGHT.

K whtvr, nice game Emyza. Cheer up Christian. Afiqah you rock. Josie, don't jealous. Ho. Sha imu. Satha try your best to unbreak my heart, haw. Sabby don't give up now. And er. I think that's it? Yeah.

All this, in the name of love for Cheongsam. ;p

2008-07-14T23:10:00.003+08:00

Srsly, I was so driven, until the room just demoralised me. Call me insane, childish, unreasonable. But look who's more unreasonable here.
And thx for 'understanding' that this 'lazy' teenager has life going so fuckin easy for her. Thx.
It seems you forget I have friends, I have periods too & that I've got your genes - the one that want things her way too.

So tell me, is life all that easy for me again?

If you're so pissy w life being unfair till you get things your frickin way every single time, maybe you should come to realise that life has never been perfect for me too. And the way you're behaving now doesn't help make things better. Thx for all these "support", but no thx.

Fuck, now I'm driven by anger. So watch but don't be thinking you triggered me being studious. I've always been, just that you never noticed.

& maybe you should also realise that I could calm myself quietly and not make a big fuss of it in front of you. So why interrupt me and say things I'm not.

And even aft all these, I still love you.
So ruin all these by saying I've never appreciate your existence.
* it.

2008-07-13T22:51:00.002+08:00

Cheryl Koh Yan Lin just threw her earpiece into a cup of water.
Wei, you wait until August ah k. I buy for your birthday. Lol.

I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF TO IRON MY UNIFORMS!!!!!!
I AM GETTING SO PISSY W MYSELF I'M VENTING ALL MY ANGER TO THE KEYBOARD, BLESS IT.

TSK.

cheryl/: bwahahahahha says:
ZATTY
cheryl/: bwahahahahha says:
IRON URE CLOTHESSSSS
cheryl/: bwahahahahha says:
NOW
cheryl/: bwahahahahha says:
NOW
NOW

try harder cheryl. lol.

NAYYYYYYY, MONKEYPOO LAH.

OKAYOKAY, THINK OF SLEEPING EARLY!
LOL, PORK RIGHT?

KBYE!

2008-07-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

Woke up not so early and got ready for amath study with Alvin Ong & the rest. Josie & Onnisa ps me. >:(
But whtvr, Alvin, Joyce & Xin Yi was great company in the end. ;p

Parents and eldest brother fetched me and headed for NDP Preview. Lol. Full stop. It was almost lika joke lah. But I rly liked the Black Knights parts. Super deafening but hell yeah the feeling was great!

Then they drove me to WS and I headed for Satha's friend's bbq thingy. Wasn't much of a bbq but haha it was awesome. I had real great fun. Many thanks to Onnisa & Emyza for layan-ing me. Ho. And I'm this - close to saying I love Satha cuz he never fails to make my days and nights! Thanks kkkk! *Bows down* Heh.

Good luck for the tournament tmrw Onnisa.

Gotta head to bed now! It's 1am alr and I have to get up early for badminton w Emyemy & Joyce & all. Then a visit to the salon w Sabby. Hmmm.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to Satha's Friend. (I know his name but I'm just afraid I'll spell it wrongly. :x)

Okayyyy, where's my sister. Hi Sabby, I'm using your lappy toppy k. & I suddenly miss my gfs. >:( Girls, imu. >:((

Okok, byebye!

2008-07-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think for a second if it's worth it. If you're worth my patience, babe. Cuz since we've been like this, I don't have the mother of all virtues. I don't have patience anymore, rly.

But I always recall how painful it was, then I back out again.

I would rly listen sincerely if I was the old Zatty. The one that just shuts her mouth.
I would rly be there if I wanted to.

But time never stops, and people change whether you & I like it.

But girl, the truth hurts so much it'll cut you so deep you'll get drowned in it.
So hear me out just this one last time before people around you get too honest, srsly.

You gotta shine on your own now, cuz this world is full of liars. You & I are liars, the same. You can do it, I swear.
Only if you could be extra strong like you were before this.
If you ever find that hope and faith again, never lose it anymore.
Be stronger and stay like that.
Find the sane You.

I wish you all the best. Mutual babe, forever. (:

2008-07-08T00:59:00.002+08:00

Time: 12:59am.

My second brother just got home. & his first few words for me were, "I got sea monkeys."

All smiles and excitement, good job man.
I wonder, how old is he again? Gosh.

Cheryl & I have our spastic moments. Full stop. I love her badly, I'm gonna kidnap her aft my exam. And protect her from evil-doers. ;D

K bye. I want to slp alr. Bye bye nighty night!

2008-07-07T21:57:00.004+08:00

I see you speaking words of faith, hope & wisdom I shared with you. And you're claiming to be wiser than me. Tell me you're just kidding. Cuz you're driving everyone insane, babe. & that's nothing near being wise but a fool.

*

Today's plans all went haywire. First me ditching Sha & Afiqah for the movie. Then my sister ps me w Mummy for her check up. Then dinner w Nisa-who-didn't-come-in-the-end cuz of miscommunication.

So firstly, my apologies to Sha. :x
And secondly, it's been a long time since the Ninjas & Samurais hang out. It was fun. ;)

__

I went crazy scanning all the comprehension passages & compo notes for my classmates. Plus, their non-existent patience didn't help me much. Lol. But whtvr, at least they wanna do their homework.

Yeah ok. Today was ok but surely some kicks in the evening with N&S!

2008-07-05T00:57:00.002+08:00

School was annoying, & I was being such an angry bitch yesterday but.. Oh well, I had my reasons.

And this is it, I guess.
Cuz I'm beginning to have endless thoughts of nothing. Then I'll just start looking around, observing people, watching the world go by and hope so hard that the wind could whisper some words of wisdom.

Somehow, it seems that the world finds me weird. Cuz they claimed that your heart beats for a reason. That every breath you take wasn't for yourself but for someone else, someone you adore so dearly.

So while I say What The Fuck to that theory, I wish you all good luck. Continue breathing and stay healthy.

And while I'm at it, I didn't mean to offend anyone whose in love right now. Perhaps I'm just getting a little bit disoriented and confused. Or maybe I could rly be weird.

Or maybe, I've finally realised that guys fall out of love easily, and I'm sick and tired of it too. (:
And I can't probably turn lesbian cuz sometimes, even the bestest girlfriend you have can suck big time for a minute.

Sigh. I want to leave this lonely phase of life soon.

2008-07-03T18:39:00.004+08:00

I'm not surprised that I'll lose contact to the world soon. Very soon, in fact.

Everyone is one of their kind, and that's pretty amazing to me. But nothing beats how people react to reality, including me.

From those who believe love can bring them happiness, so convinced they forget the world and its unceasing - of what they will realise later - inequity, to those who thinks academics are the basic necessity in life and live their life so "ordinarily" and emotionless, thinking that's the life, I think that's astounding.
I rly salute those who can actually balance their life w everything that's needed in one's life.

For me, I'll either be lost in love and have the fun of my life right now, getting my priorities all wrong and soon realise (though a minute too late) that I'm doomed. Or, I could be the most insensitive geek in the school, friends worth nothing to me.

Without realisation, I've been in both scenarios before. Of course, two different timings, if not, I'm the perfect human and a role model. Heh.

So tell me now, what am I supposed to do?

Cuz I'm quite messed up. W the closed ones enrapt with their loved ones, sometimes it makes me feel lonely, very lonely, I do stupid stuff. I don't mind them spending little time w me or staying single cuz I've got no problems w that issue for three years.

The thing is, I'm caught in between of two vague sides.
I can't be selfish, but I can let myself be destroyed at the same time.
I'm sentimental but I'm concerned about myself too.

I don't want people to talk about me.

So tell me again, should I risk my future and do - what seems like - the 'right' thing now, or go against my world and be somebody without confidants?

This is most explicit I can describe the situation.

2008-06-29T03:52:00.002+08:00

Whaaaaaaat, it's Sunday alr?
Mann, life.

It's 4am now and I'm stil struggling to finish my coursework! :x
Can do it! Can do it!

Terrible backaches and I look lika panda. A few days ago, Alvin Ong actually asked me if I was born w those dark rings. Gosh, he can't be more direct right. Heh.

Anyw, as much as I'm getting butterflies about Monday, the oral exam and shizzz, I can't complain much too. Cuz this week by far has been pretty inspiring, lol, wth. Not sure if inspiring is the word but, hmm, whtvr. It sounds right somehow.

I learnt that I'm no longer that timid girl anymore. I guess people change as they grow. I realised I make an effort to speak my rights and when I say I don't bother about what people think of me, I don't mean that I'll start offending people with no reasons too. However that links, idk, but yeah.

A day out w Afiqah, dinner w Sharifah & Ain and spending the rest of the night aimlessly(or not so) w Koh Yan Lin & Siti, I'll say that day was quite eventful.

Yesterday had to be the most adventurous night out w my family. Watching jetplanes from the expressway, spending almost an hour finding a parking lot, sumptuous dinner, driving up Mount Faber and actually checked out Henderson Waves. But all this wouldn't be so bloody memorable till some angry Singaporeans men including my brothers actually carried a car so that the bus could pass. How bloody cool was that?

Finally, my second brother's wish has been almost-fulfilled - to overturn a car. Hahahahah.

Do check out the highest pedestrian bridge though. The Henderson Wave was awesome, but I chickened out when I saw how terrifyingly high we were from the highway below. But the view was spectacular. Boyfriends should bring their girlfriends there, srsly.
But my future bf should never bring me there, he'll only end up getting irritated w me. ;p

Okie-dokie. Half an hour break's over. Gotta get back to work. Monkeypoo, I need to ___________________________________________________. :D

2008-06-26T18:24:00.003+08:00

I need to stop eating man.

I woke up at 1030am. I wanted to smile cuz I didn't go school but the weather was so hot and the bloody fan didn't reach the top part of the bed, so I woke up grumpy. Bathed and I started on my coursework straight away. So diligent eh? HAHAHAHA.

Then I had a chat w Sha and Josie for a while. Three sneaky girls skipping school, lol, I wonder how's Afiqah. Heh. Sorry ah babe.

Anyw, religiously did my coursework since noon till like now, er, 6:3opm. I swear, I'm getting kind of weird, cuz I haven't spoke like verbally to anyone for errr go calculate ah. Yesterday: 13o-330 = 2. + 6 half = 8 & a half hours. Worship me ahhhhh siol. And now I'm abusing Josie, yet again.

You know, I sat on the same chair for God know's how long & I'm only halfway to the end of the coursework. Now screw me, ok take that back. :x

I VERY BORED AH. OH YAH, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SATHA! Had a nice chat w him just now. Lol, he's sucha lucky bugger, he got a pair of polarized Ray-Ban knoww.

Someone make my day by er, doing sth that you think would make me happy cuz I need to talk out loud, roflmao.

I wonder what's gonna happen to me if I end up having some job that requires me to sit still in front of the laptop for 8 hours. I think I'll just die. And what in the world will happen to me when I grow up and get more projects that requires more time to OMG I'LL JUST DIE.

Eh, anyw, what happened to me? I could do this easily last time. Gosh. You need chicken Zatty. Go eat.

NO WAIT, I CANNOT EAT AGAIN.

Ain said the invigilators were cute, Ain's a weirdo. Hahahaha, ilu anyw. Hahaha.
Yayye, we're gonna plan for the day that we'll both come late to school together. Cuz for 5 years, and four for her, we've never been late and WE WANT TO EXPERIENCE HOW IT IS LIKE TO STAND IN FRONT THERE YOU KNOW THE FRONT PART THERE BELOW THE CROSS NEAR THE FOYER. YEAAAAH.

K bye.

2008-06-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

An hour ago, while my sister was busy chatting, I was playing the psp and my two elder brothers, 25 and 29 years old, were busy playing with my sister's chops. You know those stamps that teachers usually chop on our tests and worksheets? Yeahh, those kinds.

I have no idea what was going through their heads, srsly.

They decided to try them on me. My eldest brother who's turning 30 soon, got excited w the "Keep trying!" ones, had it stamped on my thighs. My second brother, got even more excited, he became spastic, he just couldn't stop "chopping" on me.

Then the climax, my second brother got real sneaky. He had the "Parents' Signature" stamp and chopped it on my forehead and forced me to get it signed. I don't know them anymore.

And then my sister and brothers had to asked me this question, "How? Is being the last child fun? I mean you get everything spoon-fed and all blahblahblah.."

-.-

Help.

Lol, but I love them lah. Srsly. My love for them is equivalent to my love for chicken. Don't you think poultry is like the shit. I mean, it's so bloody nice, it gives you energy, man, I'll die without chicken I tell you. OKAY BURUK ZATTY.

HAHAHA.

Okaay, I plan to skip school tmrw cuz like, come on, take a look at the timetable pls, then you'll understand. Anyw, being sucha good girl or whaaaat. I thought, since you're gonna skip sch tmrw, why don't you stay up tonight to finish up your coursework and study! Oh man, the joy you can't imagine!

Proud of me not.

ANYW, GOOD LUCK TO THOSE TAKING THEIR O LEVELS MALAY ORAL TMRW!
AIN SYG I LOVE YOU ALL THE BEST K. Hee.

Kbye! I love all my friends rly. Hahahahahahaha. Okay rly I do. Gosh. Neh.

2008-06-24T17:43:00.002+08:00

Someone teach me how to love again.

It's gonna hurt when it heals.

You've got my eyes
And we can't see, what you'll be, you can't disguise
But either way, I will pray, you will be wise
Pretty soon you will see
There'll be tears in my eyes

But just leave me just like that while my world is coming down on me.
Keep your distance from me, don't pay attention to me.

-----

&& school has been pretty plesant so far. Though I must say, I'm kinda disappointed. Ayee, things usually turn out the exact opposite eh? Expected school to be crazy and teachers all so wacky that we may go a lil bit weird inside. But, nope, nothing like that. I can still play psp in class. :x

Okaaaay, gotta be sensible, heh. Sounds funny. Yeah k whtvr.

Bye!

2008-06-22T20:35:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, hmmm, what happened yesterday?

Oh yes, dinner w Afiqah & Siti at Tampines. Walked around, fiqah left, we headed to ehub to wait for Sabby. Walked to PR Park, saw someone's look alike -.- , star-gazed. Met sister and friends and we all walked home.

OH AND ABIGAIL WAS BEING V IDIOTIC AND CRAPPY LAST NIGHT.
HAHAHAHA, HI ABIGAIL, I HAD FUN TODAY. ;p
You know, I went to kbox, uh-huh. HAHAHA, don't jealous pls, k Abigail? You & I both know we love each other a lot. Heh.

So today, yeah I went to KBox w Sabby and eldest brother. Funkyyyy fun, I tell you.

Just got home, ate real unhealthy junk food. I feel so tired. I have to pack my bag, iron my uniform, >:(

I feel, >:(
LOL. K srsly, I feel :((((
I wanna :'( alr. Hahah.

Cuz tmrw officially marks the start of boredom but added to it some irony - stress = hell.
I am looking forward to school and all the studying shizz cuz I'm so driven suddenly, idk why. But there's still this pang of ouch. Hah, k nonsense ah.

Okay ah, if anybody misses me just call me k. Cuz computer, laptop and internet will be ... .. .
HAHAHAHA. I'm so full of shit now. Like literally, hahaha wtf, so yeah bye cuz I gotta crap now.

Till then feefle. :p

2008-06-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

Okay let's work hard together Yan Lin. ;)
Oh and don't choke Marcuz. Heheheh.

Sabby just gave up choosing pretty clothes for tmrw. I wasn't much of a help, lol, even though she couldn't stop bugging me to help her choose. Heh. Maaf ah.

Had real fun yesterday. Met up w SHA SHA SHA SHA & Illya to watch Get Smart. Ain didn't join in the end. >:(
Had a good laugh anyw. Yeeeaaaaaahh. Then we waited for Sha for a while and decided to go over her house to watch CHUCKY! But we ended up watching Anastasia. Mann, that movie totally reminds me of Sarah, a real good best friend I made in Primary school. Heh. Nostalgic sehhh the feeling listening to the songs. Heh.

Anyw SHAAAAAAAAA, thx babe. For today, for everything. For the hugs and kisses and your cheeks are frickin UGH. Kirim salam Illya and thank her too ah eh. Hahahaha.

Those are crazy Girlfriends. With mutual respect towards each other. ;p

Aft that I walked over to tmart to meet Siti and we both decided to walk home from there. Not bad lah. Talked and walked and talked and sat and talked. That's all we do anyw all these years.

Yeah, tiring, but worth it. I feel good. :D
Ok, it's 1:40 in the morning. I think that's the earliest time I'm gonna head to bed for this week.
Gotta make myself get back to the school body-system. Eeeeesh.
Won't be so actively online and blogging aft that. Will be busy studying and lead the almost-pathetic life again. :x

Hoi Hakim, don't forget me ah I tell you. Heh.

Cellar Koh Yan Lin complained that she looked lika maid. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
And she complained that I'm blogging way too slowly.

EH SABBY SLEEP ALR. SHE'S SUPPOSE TO GUIDE AND PLAN W ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE CORRECTLY!

K I'M SO EFFIN' TIRED TODAY CUZ I HAD SO MUCH FUN I THINK, THAT'S WHY, YEAH, OH SEE, THE REAL ZATTY'S BACK! SHE'S TYPING IN CAPS! OMG, CAN WE CELEBRATE THIS MOMENT PLS. HAHAHAHA. K STOP IT.

K BYE I LOVE ALL THE KIND SOULS IN THIS WORLD, THEY ROCK THE NINJAS. YEAH.

2008-06-20T01:58:00.003+08:00

Shit happens too often lah.
Don't you agree w me? It's either that, or these shit-happenings is distributed so bloody unevenly.
Like the shit never stop dropping for one whole week. Ew. K.

I think the real problem is that I've been waaaaay too candid over critical issues. And for me, moving on is simple. Not that I don't care what happened or as if I don't care it ever happened. Just that, for me, the process of finding out about shizzz is more hurtful.

And I swear that made no sense at all.

I just wanted to make a statement that today is the most horrible-but-it-had-to-come-someday BUT I'm totally cool about it cuz I've had my fair share of crying rivers alr and I have the best girlfriends & friends to make it easier through the day! ;p
Thx Sabby and friend for dedicating err songs? Lol. Cute ke peee.

Gosh. Wonder whatever happened to the reeeeaaal Zatty. So much for being deep, this post is so far from confessional. Heh.

I'LL MEND MYSELF BEFORE IT GETS ME. YEEEAAAAHHHHH.
I call out a name when I'm helpless. Guess who guess who. Lol.

Hahaha, but Hakim the oh-so-wise-one says that I should study so here goes Geek Zatty. HAHAHAHA. I remember myself transforming into a real selfish-bitch-geek during N Levels I lost contact to the world. HAHAHAHA. Omg, that's ancient aye, Sity?

I'm gonna watch Get Smart w Sharifahhhhhh tmrw. Yayye. SHA IMUIMUIMU. Thx for tmrw.
And I'm gonna meet Ain too(hopefully)!
Oh and I'm gonna spend a tiny bit of my day w Siti too.

So you know, I'll get through this. Heh, yeah.

THIS POST SUCK BIG TIME. But I love the people I mentioned in it. ;p

2008-06-18T02:04:00.003+08:00

PIMPLE BREAK OUT!

I swear, I look horrible.
TERRIBLE PMS THIS TIME.

Uh-huh. It's 1am and my sister's singing aloud on the bed. Suspect kuat(strongly) that she _ _ _.

(: You love me Sabby, thx for the dress and many t-shirts from bangkok/phuket.
Stop it w your Monkey Beach accent anyw.

I think right, I'm not gonna be a musician. I think I'll continue working towards my ambition to be a nutritionist BUT still study music as much as I can. ;p

Okay, bloody random.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN IN LOVE W YOUUUUUU. GUESS YOU'VE ALWAYS KNOW, YOU TOOK MY LOVE FOR GRANTED, WHY OH WHY.
SAY GOODBYE, YEAAAAAAAAH, TAKE A BOW.
I'm neutral about Madonna. But still thinks it's kinda gross to wear those tight tight _ when you're 50 years old.

My vocab getting worse, shiz.

K stop it Zat.
Bye!

2008-06-17T00:09:00.002+08:00

I don't know if it's paranoia in me.
Honestly, I rly hope I'm just being paranoid. At least then I know that nothing's on the rocks, nothing is wrong.

But people use to say, trust your instincts. So am I suppose to start believing my gut feelings? Then am I suppose to expose the insecurity right now?

Gosh, I feel helpless.

Tell me this isn't some past time romance to you. I need some assurance. Just say sth so I can continue believing in you again.

It seems to me that we're playing hide-and-seek here. It's driving me quite insane if you must now.

Don't want to seem pushy and clingy here. But. Forget it.

Now I just want to know sth. Something you & I know.

2008-06-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

The weather today quite warm eh. :x
& I think I ate too much.

Anyw, I stayed home today! Burnt midnight oil, woke up pretty late, watched movies, played psp, studied and I fell asleep. Lol.

Watching the soccer match now. SG VS Saudi Arabia. Not so friendly match eh?

K ah, bye.

2008-06-13T22:06:00.002+08:00

I feel so fuckin insulted.

It's amazing that people can get so fuckin annoying they bring you down so badly, even w the most silly way. Just what is wrong you? Stop being sucha fucktard and screw yourself first. What have I done to you that made you get so personal w me right now. You did not make an impact in my life, bitch.

Until today, hooray, let's celebrate this fuckin moment. I didn't even realise you existed alright. You were just one of those people I walk pass in the interchange a few times and forget your face the next millisecond. But hey, guess what yo. All these time you were bitching about me? I didn't notice, sorry. Got better things to do anyw fyi.
Hey, thx. At least now I know my existence in this world actually do affect people-who-totally-are-clueless-about-me-in-the-first-place. Have you got nothing better else to do?

PSYCHO. PSYCHO. PSYCHO. I can't believe you got me affected so badly. So much for sharing my fuckin umbrella w you that oh-so-fine-rainy day. Bitch.

I hope you trip, fall and roll down the escalator and get hideous cutz and scars on your oh-you-thought-was-so-perfect body and face.

All you got to do was give me that dirty look, whisper and bitch abt me right in front of me and then giggle w that fuckin irritating smirk on your face when all I did was to smile at you cuz I thought, hey, you were that girl I shared MY umbrella w.

YOU SHAMELESS. Have you got no other day to mess w me. Were you too bored? Can't your plastic girl friends entertain you more. Hate your whiney voice, damn it. Now, take back your whiney-high-pitched "Thank you so much" from that day, I don't need it.

Karma, bitch. Get that plastered on your boobs k.

2008-06-13T12:35:00.001+08:00

When I was feeling down, you’d make that face you do
There’s no-one in the world who could replace you

2008-06-13T12:06:00.002+08:00

I was the most nice, kind, ... & ... friend last night. Even though it was 10pm, I left home to meet Josie. Hmmm, get well soon ah James.

So we sat at Macs and talked about guys. And Josie decided to tell me her life story. Hah.
Oh then we met Bernard for a while.

Even the tiny part of the truth hurt me like as if my heart was in a blender, blades cutting me as my own weight only pushes its way nearer to those fan-like knives. That truth made me feel so threatened. So what's gonna happen when I find out the whole truth? The knob turns and here you go, Zatty's heart milkshake, ew. Srsly, what's gonna happen?

I tried my best to convince myself that this week could be purely hectic and that's all, full stop.

Butt, aiya fuck all this what ifs and the rest of these shiz.
See, got me all vulgar again. don't like don't like.

If you've got something to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard

2008-06-12T21:26:00.003+08:00

I forgot what I did on Tuesday, but I know that for the past few days I've been doing much of Amath. Proud of me or what. Heh.

Today, I met Sha in the early aftnn to watch The Happening. Frickin morbid. Full stop. Then I decided to be emo-ed up and all and walk around PR till I couldn't stand loneliness I decided to call Ain. And being so sincere and kind as ever, she agreed to meet me. (:

Try playing the PSP for er god-knows-how-long-I-was-at-the-interchange-waiting-for-Ainsyg. My eyes went all teary..

Walked around and sat at the interchange for the longest time w Ain. It's been a loooong long time since we did that ayeee. Talked about life, duh, what else. Life and its imperfections, never ending. Always so much of it, we can never stop talking about it. Hmm.

Oh then we had a long chat w Josie over the phone. (: [& she's mad at me right now. >:(]
Sorrrryyyyyy babe. :(

Then when we were listening to songs and waiting for the bus home, we found out that there was this guy talking to us. He said sth like: "My friend pilot"
And he had to repeat that over and over again.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, inside joke ah eh. Ring me if you wanna know. Lol.

K ah, today was empty. Empty in a way that I felt empty for saying out and doing all the stuff I've wanted to. Sooo, aiya, whtvr.

bye i feel like erasing and deleting this post idk why. kbye.

2008-06-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

I am so fuckin exhausted now.
Who would have thought that the NE outing would be so tiring.

For one, I surely learned and discovered some cool stuff like a secret tiny hidden door at Fort Canning hill. Plus plus some history about Peranakanz and Ancient Civilization in SG. Effin' cool.

And two, hanging out w Marcuz, Fira and Tariq has to be the most funky and funny or what! Srsly, if Tariq weren't there to crack us up w his silly jokes and _ that only the three of us saw, HAHAHAHA, today wouldn't be eventful. And if Fira wasn't so cheekopek and irritated by some sec one boy, today was a bore. And of cuz darling Marcuz was sucha darling he carried my bag all zee way. (:

And the three of us made a new friend. Jenny. That was her name. Cool or what huh Ain. There's so many Jennyz in this world, believe it or not! ;p

Despite being so weak and all, I decided to meet Sha for a tiny bit at ehub just to pass her some stuff and make reservations. I was sucha dear right, Sha? HAHAHAH, SELF-PROCLAIM AYE.

Okay, glad that I'm home at this hour. Though I must say it's kinda quiet at home without Sabby at home. And I swear, I took the longest time to fall asleep last night. :(

Okay, Mother's getting all worked up about me not studying and not having a time-table to guide me through my almost-pathetic life. Shizzz. Maybe no one noticed, but I do study at home sometimes. I rly do. And it was productive. Hmmm. Nvrm. Patience, iman. ;)

IMATSBNIAGKOCATSIDKW.

K thanks I love nice people bless you pretty souls k, k bye.

2008-06-08T22:11:00.002+08:00

Hi hi.

My sister left for Thailand alr. >:(
8 days without her in my life will be so boring at home.
A quarter of a month I'll be sleeping alone. >:(

I ate two double cheeseburger on my own last night. Remember the macdonalds story? Lol. And I had like 3 nuggets. Sth is terribly wrong w me manzxz.

And I'm having terrible+horrible backache. The kind that you feel like dying. Ya know ya know?!!?!?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHA, OKAY I'M GOING SQUEEZE IN BETWEEN MY PARENTS AND WATCH INCREDIBLE TALES! (:

I feel like a small girl suddenly. Hah. K bye!

2008-06-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

Waiting for McDonalds to come in like an hour. Yes, kill me. Cuz I'm eating fast food at this hour. :x

Anyw, spent my aftnn & night with Sha & her cousin. Things can never be more chaotic when w them. Nevertheless, I enjoyed today. Even though things got wet and ew.

I've got all hip-hop-ed watching the competition. Lololol.

And I swear, Alvin Tan is the cutest monster in the whole wide world. Cuz only he send super-hyperactive messages and rly cute like 3-yrs-old small boy kind of cute messages. :p HAHAHAHAHAH.

OKAY MACDONALDS NEVER LET ME DOWN. THE DELIVERY GUY JUST ARRIVED. SO BYE YO. ;D;D;D

2008-06-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

Changed my mind, I feel like joining my sister and karaoke now.
SABBY RELAKS AH YOU. VOICE. LEMME JOIN YOU.

Pasir Ris rain not my fault ah.

2008-06-06T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hi.......
Don't ask why the dots, cuz I don't get it either. Lol, wtf.

Yayye. (And that Yayye must be the most least happy/excited/hyper ever) > Shit, my english sucks here. Anyw, yeah, yayye, block booking just ended. The happiness.

-.- OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG W ME, THIS POST MUST HAVE SOUND LIKE THE MOST MONOTONOUS ONE EVER.

11:11PM - 11:25PM
I just stared at the keyboard for 14 whole minutes. 14 right. Yeah.

Today, I ran around the dining table, jumped on my father while he was watching tv because my sister was chasing me lika dog. She wanted to kill me.
Oh and I ate three, NO, FOUR AH. I ate four bananas today. I feel so good, idk why.

WHY AM I BLOGGING SUCH RANDOM STUFF.

Okay ah, nvrm ah. I want to feeling feeling play chinese song on piano now. Bye.

2008-06-05T19:48:00.003+08:00

Hey you all cool people with absolutely great life and nothing much bothering you like _.

Ok hi. It's been ages since I blogged, I think.

AND I JUST DELETED THREE WHOLE CHUNKY PARAGRAPHS ABOUT LIFE BEING UNFAIR. Yet again, yeah thx, hah.

Forget about life being irritating. Block booking wasn't sucha chore or a bore in the end. Cuz I'll just end up waking up late, meeting Onnisa for breakfast even though we're 45minutes late, taking extra time for lunch and sometimes we'll end up skipping lessons. :x

Hardworking, responsible, sensible and smart. Much.

Josie, I rly wanna kill. Kill. Yeah. Not w a rusted dagger soaked in limewater or whatsoever. But w you-know-what-we're-so-fuckin-bloody-good-at.
Getting on my effin' nerves.

Sometimes I think you're just bloody pathetic and sad. You need some education on how to bitch about people properly, babe. Srsly. What's w all these two-faced-childish-brain-as-huge-as-an-ostrich's act. Gosh. See, you've made my whore level increased by a hundred percent, thx.

Why do I get so affected by all these small small things when I'm suppose to take care of the huge huge and scary problems I have now. zattyhypocritezattykentalzattystupidstupid.

OH YES. Millions of apologies to Sha and Josie for today. Sorry I couldn't do amath w you just now Josie. And sorry for screwing up your plans for today Sherri. :(
Sorry kaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyssssssssssssssss. I love you i love you ok.

Okay, hi, you, do you even read this? I miss you anyw. Like quite a lot if you gotta know. Let's be hyper and forget the world some time soon. ;)
loveyaloveyaloveyaloads if i never told you that. (:

2008-05-27T23:00:00.002+08:00

You know what kind of people that rly rly rly amaze me?
The kind that can be so hostile and scary this minute but right at the next second, they get so close and touchy and nice as if there wasn't a single molecule of issue between us. I'm not saying that I have issues w everybody, I'm just saying that one cannot be so hypocritical and should just decide their stand.

Josie, let's join forces and kill those horrible people w our angry, perfect words. I dare them to challenge us. ;p

ANYW, MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO FRICKIN BUSY AND HECTIC YO. I SWEAR, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE WEEKS WHERE I HAD SO MUCH FUN AND LOVE BUT AT THE SAME TIME SO MUCH STRESS AND WORK. I guess I was doing quite well multi-tasking? I think I multi-tasked? I hope I did. :x

I don't know lah k. Although I believed I OKAY NEVER MIND FORGET IT.

My sister is going Thailand in like ten days or so. Her holiday. Frickin holidays. Screw holidays. No, I take that back. ;p And Josie's brother is going Thailand. And my _ is like _ Thailand. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WTF. OK GO FIGURE YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE AN AWARD FROM ME IF YOU FIGURED THAT OUT CORRECTLY. OKAY, I'M SUCHA FREAK YO.

Srsly, I'm hoping and praying hard that I can get an A for my Malay O levels. Cuz like P2 WAS SUCHA OK NVRM. I'M FRICKIN TIRED MANZXZ. I FINK I SHOULD JUST HEAD TO BED LIKE NOW AT 11:13PM UNLIKE SOME _ WHO ACTUALLY WENT TO BED AT 8. OKAY, FINE, HEADACHE, I LOVE YA BABE. <3 (EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT A GIRL, OR A WOMAN, YOU CALL ME HUNK, I CALL YOU BABE. ;P)

K SEE YOU ALL PRETTY SUNSHINE FACES.
Many thx to Sha and the girls and you and you too. Srsly, thx. Idk why but rly, thx. HAHAHAHA THE F.
P.S:Afiqah owes a lot of people 6 bucks. HEH.

K BYE. :D

2008-05-18T16:10:00.002+08:00

Maybe, I might have been awfully selfish.
So much for putting on a brave front and said, "Bring it on"

I'm almost there, but look, there's gonna be this huge _____ coming straight at me, now.

Brace yourself, Zat.

Alright, I'm gonna start planning for my malay compo. And I'm gonna have dinner w Siti later since everyone's out!

Okay, good bye. :x

2008-05-17T16:31:00.007+08:00

Okayyyy, weather has been pretty horrible these few days.
Yesterday, my ____ ____ decided to be racist and go against me.
Srsly, she's getting personal w me. Gosh, she pointed at me and said E8, wth is wrng w hr mnz.
And she wanted to throw me out of the class, wth man. Srsly?

Anyw, yesterday aft school and all that shizz, I went over to Josie's house to study(& much of it) but in the end we started painting our nails. She's got pretty and funky colours. So I decided to put on all. ;p

Then in the evening we decided to meet Sharifah and the guyz. So I tried to bowl. I striked only one pathetic time. Awful yo. Then Sherri left and Siti came over and Josie left. HAHAHAHA QUITE COOL EH. And we played catching. (?!?!?!!????!) Is that random or what.
Tiring but fun, even though I just stood around and said, I'm wearing a skirt, you love me so don't catch me pls thx. Hawhaw.

Alright, here are some funky pichas for your soul (HAHAHAH WTF):

hi you, don't be so grumpy and angry k.Josie's photography skillz. -.-Hah yeah, pretty nails.Mess w me, not.Josie's oh so favourite book. Hey thereeeeee.Look! A minah!Look! A mat!
Sha & Jo & Aficat = Love.
HAHAHAHAHAH.
HAHAHAHAHAH.
heh, ok. ilu.

more HAHAHAHAHAH.

Okay, I have no effin idea what was wrong w these people, srsly.

OKAY BYE.

2008-05-15T20:29:00.002+08:00

I wonder what it is.
But there's no need to wonder so far in the end.
Cuz I know what's bugging me all along.
So I'll try my best to work it out, work it out right.

I've been passing by paradise a few times.
Never knew how to stay put there.
So here I am, in the midst of getting back on my feet and try to stay on one side of the world.
And just stay there and mind our own business.

I envy those people.
Those who possess faith and patience. Strong faith and patience.

My mind's pretty screwed up. But I shall make it up to prettyfunkycoolfunnyhappyniceandandverynicepeople who had stayed by my side all this time by being a happy kid too. :D

Wish me luck to do the right thing and wish me all the rest of the luck in the world to multi-task so well I hope I lose nothing. Sigh, this is scary.

Srsly, I'm afraid. Hypocrite Zatty. I'm so afraid to live my life cuz I know life's so unfair. Gosh, why did the word perfection even exist.

Honestly, MYE's so screwed up, and w teachers talking to me personally and all that shizzz, I feel like shizzzzz too manzxz. I bet I just disappointed every single soul I know. >:(

I can't stop them from lecturing, scolding or nagging at me aft this. Aftall, I am at fault. But I just wish that they would know that I alr know where I've gone wrong. I REALLY KNOW WHAT HAS GONE WRONG AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT RIGHT, RIGHT NOW.

But life is practically unfair, everytime I'm about to change for good something just have to happen right that second that it'll get to me so bad, I don't think changing would do any good.
That happened so many times alr, I'm sick of it, I hope God's being fair and sprinkling gold dust on me just this week and I'll continue working my best on my own aft that.

Just let me learn to cope w things before you say stuff that bring me down. Then, I won't be able to handle stuff and its back to square one, a bloody waste.

I swear, I've no idea what's got into me. Prolly it finally hit me hard during the deafening moments in the hall just now. I don't know.

Just be glad I realised I know something gotta change for good. ;p

2008-05-14T19:59:00.002+08:00

You know there's one part when you're falling in love that your stomach just gets queasy everytime he says something to you cuz you're unsure of what he's thinking of & all that shizzz?

UGH, I'M HAVING THAT EXACT SCARY FEELING MANZXZ. And it isn't nice or anything yo. :x

Anyw, Siti's back in SG alr.
There was a soccer match today 4N VS 5N.
5N won, 7 - 3. Like take that b******. ;p

So that's pretty much what happened today. :x

Tell me what's confusing you now, cuz boy, you got me pretty confused too over at my side. :(

2008-05-13T11:55:00.002+08:00

I FEEL LOVE COMING TO ME. HAHAHAHAH WTF OK IGNORE THAT PART CUZ I REFUSE TO ERASE IT. :D

So yesterday was the last of MYE, yeeeaaaaahhhhhh. Happiness yo.
And what else can Sha & I afford to do right? We dressed up, and in the end Bernard & Alvin wants to go to tmart. WTHZXZ!

But today we're gonna dress up and be happy people cuz we're watching a movie at ehub! Hahah, I think that's like our second home aft tmart's study corner. HAHAHAHA WTF.

Srsly, I don't know who's coming except for me, Sha, Alvin and Bernard. WHERE'S THE JOY. Oh wait there's Marcuz, I think.
And the bunch of us are actually life-less people if you think about it again. But as long as we're all happy playing Uno, OLD MAID & cheat the whole day, what else matters right. Lol.

And that should explain why my posts are all about these funkiezx people. Cuz I spend the whole week, whole day, every hour w them non-stop. It's wacky, my blog's getting boring about them. HAHAHAHA, basket.

Okay, gotta get ready and all. See you people around (and I don't know who I meant by people anyw. ROFL)
Be nice to animals, kiss a shark people. ;)

And w every smile dear, you make me fall only deeper.

Bye yo!

2008-05-10T13:17:00.002+08:00

YO YO WATTZ UP YO.
LOL.

Now, how long has it been? Hmmm.
ANYWZZZ, MYE'S GONNA END SO SO SOON I AM SO EXCITED I FEEL LIKE SHITTING.

And for the past few weeks, I've been out studying(much!) w Sha and the rest. I swear, they're so funky cuz I'm still not sick of them though it's like overdosage of them(totally).

So much for the fruitful week, my profanities vocab has been expanding thanks to Bernard & Alvin. & bcuz of this week too, childhood friend Marcuzzz decided to be nice and send me home evrynight.

How sweet, haw. Don't kembangzxz you, or I'll slap.

And ehub! is like the shit place or what man. Although I so agree you do not go there unless you're gonna watch a movie or do something, that place sucha ____. But the arcade there is like woah. Number 2 arcade that's so brighty brightz.

AND GUESS WATTTTZ YO YO YO: I'M GOING OFF NOW TO MEET UP W BERNARD & SHA AGAIN. OH THERE'S MARCUZ. BUT NO CHRIS & ALVIN TANNNNNNNNNNNNNN. I TELL YOU STH. OKAY? I NAUIRTHUAEHRFUALKURH74365BJL.
Changed my mind. That was an awful secret yo.

I TELL YOU, SO MUCH HAPPENED THIS "BORING-MID-YR-EXAM-WEEK" OK. I LAFF YA SHARIFAH RUQAIYAH ALKAFF, CUZ YOU'RE LIKE THE SHIT OF MY LIFE, I CAN'T LIVE IF I CAN'T FART AND SHIT MANZXZ. K SEE YA SOON. LET'S BUY PRETTY PREZZIES FOR OUR MUMMIES ORH KAESSS.

OKAY I'M GONNA PEE IN MY SHORTS ALR. BYE YO!

Swear that this is not how I blogged every other time. WHATZ WRONG W MEEEEE.

OKBYE.

2008-05-06T20:49:00.002+08:00

I hear myself complain, so I can do it again.
I give myself complains, so I get back up again.

I've never learned from my mistakes. Srsly, I hate myself so much right now for feeling so low about _____.
Why am I so attracted to ____ that usually are alr _____??
F. I'm getting myself so screwed in this situation.

Only I can help myself.

When you talk to me, I swear, the whole world just stops.

2008-04-28T18:19:00.002+08:00

OMFG, I FEEL LIKE DYING CUZ I'M SO FRICKIN HAPPY AND EXCITED AND AHHHHHH. ROFL, CHERYL KOH YAN LIN JUST TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT THAT KIND OF OCCURANCE WAS SOMEWHAT OF A MIRACLE. ;D;D;D;D
Coming from Cheryl, I swear, Pasir Ris actually rained for a while. :D

Yan Lin dear, I'm not so mean, so I won't blog all the details. NYAHAHAAAH.
Omg, the excitement, I so so can't contain.

ANYW, Josie promised to ask her (the) bf about my kriyt8343trf* laptop. If laptops cost a few hundred only, I would have long worn my heels and jump on it 537897 times. :D
Zatty is an angry kid. You know, teen angst. ;)

I AM STILL HALF-SHOCK-HALF-EXCITED ABOUT WHAT CHERYL JUST TOLD ME. ;PPP
Cheryl Kohhhhh, I laff you. ;p

Okay-okay. Chill zat.

Oh yeah, I think I'll stay single in the end. Yeah, singlehood's the way.
Lol, someone actually called me a fuckin loser (fuck you right back anyw) just because she found out that I only had one "pathetic" boyfriend all my life. OMG, FUCK YOU, HE WAS NOT BLOODY PATHETIC YOU ASSHOLE. I mean having one boyfriend my whole life does not make me pathetic you pathetic bitch look who's calling me pathetic. You're the pathetic one cuz no dick ever loved you for more than a month which answers why you had like 8468468186 EXBFS. YOU CAN KISS MY ASS FIRST.

AH, TEEN ANGST. K STOP IT.